


lying is the most fun

by differentsnowflake



Series: lying is the most fun [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Has Anxiety (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Rated T because I let them swear, Slow Burn, The Author Regrets Nothing, They're all music majors, except Willie, gays being gay, he's an art major, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/differentsnowflake/pseuds/differentsnowflake
Summary: Alex doesn't mean to lie. He really doesn't. It's just that the guy he's been crushing on for forever asks him if he can skate and he panics and says yes. But he doesn't.So Julie introduces him to Willie, a guy from her art class, who's willing to teach him how to skate to impress his crush.Willie is great. Alex thinks they can be friends.But then things happen.Or, the College AU no one asked for.
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: lying is the most fun [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105841
Comments: 124
Kudos: 386





	1. Allegro

**Author's Note:**

> this is so impulse-posted I'm sorry.

Alex doesn't mean to lie.

He really doesn't. It's just that, he's nervous and he's tired and he doesn't know how to behave when Leo is that close to him.

They're leaving the club, and he's helping Reggie with his amp because, for once, he didn't have to take his own drum kit to a gig. Luke and Julie are holding hands beside them -fucking finally-, and then Leo is coming up to him and his heart stops.

Alex's been crushing on Leo for a couple of weeks now, even if his friends think he's a bit of a douche. He simply can't control the way his whole body goes crazy every time he smiles at him. They talk, and Leo compliments the band and Alex is gone, oh so gone.

Then he's asking Alex if he likes skating, and Alex answers that he does, even if he doesn't know the first thing about skateboarding. Leo smiles again and asks if he knows _how_ to skate. That's when Alex fucks up, because he's panicking and his stomach is churning and he just nods.

He fucking nods.

Leo fist-bumps him and tells him they'll have to go skating some time.

Jesus fucking Christ.

* * *

It all starts because Alex's professor is an idiot. He generally doesn't like to think about his teachers like that, but this one is just that- an idiot. He teaches music history, and Alex thinks that's the least useful class for a drum major, but it's a mandatory class after all and he just has to suck it up.

Alex sucks at it, he really can't seem to memorize all the names and the songs and the styles, and he's really close to failing. So, he asks the professor if there's anything he can do to bring his grades up, and the professor tells him that there's this two-week-long conference where he can volunteer handing people information and answering basic questions. If he does it, he'll give Alex a couple of extra points.

That's where he meets Leo, who's failing his own class, and at first, they don't talk because Alex is too nervous for that. But Alex likes his polite smile and his red hair and his grey, formal shirt. He can't stop staring at him, and if he knows his name it's because Leo has to introduce himself to everyone at the freaking conference.

Reggie and Luke go pick him up so they can go practice after, and they catch him staring at Leo.

"Dude," Reggie raises an eyebrow at him. "You like Leo? I know him, he's in my philosophy class. He's a jerk."

Alex snorts.

"He doesn't look like a jerk."

Luke rolls his eyes at him. "If Reggie says someone's a jerk, it's because they're a huge jerk."

And, yeah, maybe Luke is right, but Alex doesn't really care. Besides, it's not like something’s going to happen. Alex just likes- staring.

But then, when they only have three days of the conference left, Leo walks towards him and offers him a piece of chocolate. Alex takes it with a shy smile, trying to control the way his anxiety is screaming at him from his chest.

"I'm Leo," Leo says, leaning against the wall of the auditorium. They're supposed to be quiet and listen to whatever the expositor is talking about, but they're far from the stage and no one will realize if they're eating or talking.

"I know," it's the first thing that leaves his mouth, and oh god, he wants to die. But Leo lets out a laugh and eats another piece of chocolate.

"And you are-?"

"Oh. Alex. My name's Alex."

They talk for a little while, and then the band comes up.

"We're Julie and the Phantoms," Alex says, feeling proud. They've just come up with the name, and he thinks it's great. They're playing gigs whenever they can, wherever they can, and Alex likes the way their future is looking.

"Cool. You're their drummer, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'd like to see you guys play sometime," Leo smiles brightly at him, and Alex could swear he's dying. Is it romantic? He doesn't think so, even if he hopes it is. His heart starts beating wildly inside his chest, and he forces himself to smile back. He'll have time to freak out later.

"Um. We have a gig just outside of campus this Saturday, if you're interested."

"Sounds great. Text me the details and I'll see you then."

Alex gives him his number while his hands shake and then someone asks them something and they have to stop talking.

He tells the guys about his encounter a little later, at band practice. One of the perks that come with the fact that all four of them are on the music program of the university is that there's always music rooms they can use, as long as they book them with a couple of days in advance. The room is white and clean and big, and Reggie makes a face when he mentions it.

"I don't know, dude," Reggie moves his tuning keys a little, his tongue stuck out as he always does when he's concentrating. "I mean, I really don't know him, but he's always late for class and he's mean to some people and very disrespectful to the professors. He's just- I don't like him for you."

"Not like anything's going to happen. He just wants to go see the band, and that's good, right?"

Luke nods from where he's sitting on the floor. "We need more people at our gigs. Maybe he can bring his friends and we'll sell some demos."

"See?" Alex agrees, pointing at Luke with his drum stick. "Luke thinks it's a good idea."

"I didn't say it was a good idea. I just want more people at our concerts."

Julie punches Luke softly in the arm. Alex looks at her for help, and she sighs and shrugs.

"I think you should just get to really know him and then decide if you like him."

"Too late," Luke chuckles. He grabs his guitar and hangs it around his shoulder. "When Alex has a crush, it doesn't go away until he gets his heart broken. It's the rules."

"Hey!"

"It's true," Reggie agrees. "Do you remember when you had a crush on-"

"Okay that's enough!" Alex screeches. "Remind me to never ask you for relationship advice like, ever again."

That Saturday, Alex can spot Leo on the crowd, his bright red hair standing out between the mass of sweaty people. He almost messes up the rhythm when Leo catches Alex looking at him and freaking winks at him.

And then their set is over and Leo is by his side, with a can of beer in one hand and a skateboard in the other. The guys leave them alone, and Alex convinces himself that if he's flushing it's because he's just finished playing.

"That was so sick, dude!" Leo raises one hand and Alex takes too long to figure out that he wants to hi-five, and it ends up being weird.

"Thanks," he mutters, burying his hands on his pockets.

"What else don't I know about you? I mean, I knew you were majoring in drums and I always thought it'd be something boring. But your band is cool. You're cool."

And that's when Alex stops being able to think.

"Uh- uh- your skateboard is cool," he lets out, because it's the only thing that occurs to him. Leo looks at it and smiles.

"Yeah, it's new. Do you like skating?"

"Um- yeah. Yeah, skate. Skating. I love it. So cool." Oh god he wants to die. Someone please kill him. Right now.

"Do you know how to?" Leo's looking at him with those huge brown eyes and Alex kind of forgets what they were talking about, so he manages to nod. Leo seems thrilled, though, and Alex kind of forgets why lying was a bad idea.

"Awesome. We should go skating some time," Leo raises his fist and Alex does the same, remembering why it was a bad idea. Jesus.

"Yeah. Yeah, it sounds- awesome," he repeats. Leo chuckles.

"I'll text you so we can decide on a day. I'll see you, Alex!" And then Leo is skating away, and Alex stares at him, waiting for his silhouette to disappear.

"Shit."

The only person he trusts with his embarrassing lie is Julie, who puts a lot of effort into hiding her smile. Alex appreciates the twenty seconds she manages to hold back her laughs. It's twenty seconds longer than what Luke or Reggie would've lasted.

"I'm glad you find this amusing, Jules."

They're sitting on her bed. It's Sunday and he can finally breathe because the conference is over and he got the extra credits and maybe, just maybe, he won't fail his music history class. That's good. The other aspects of his live, though? Not so good.

Julie takes a sip from her cup of tea and stares at the ceiling.

"Why did you lie to him?" She lets out in a whine. "What did you think was going to happen?"

"I don't know. I told you, I panicked! Now, give me some advice. If I'd wanted to be judged I would've gone to Luke."

"All three of you are seriously stupid. I don't even know how you made it to college." Julie drinks another sip.

"Julie-"

"Shut up, I'm thinking."

Alex stays silent. He stares at Julie's desk, that's covered in drawings. Alex doesn't have any idea of how she manages to major in two things at the same time. Alex is dying from the number of assignments and exams he has, and if he had to study art on top of everything else, he'd go crazy. He really admires Julie and the way she manages to balance her double major and the band and her relationships and friendships. She's like- superhuman or something.

"Okay, I have an idea!" She screams suddenly, and Alex jumps a little.

"Please don't tell me that your idea is telling the truth," he begs.

Julie smiles and shoves him playfully.

"There's this guy in my anatomy drawing class. His name is Willie and he's the sweetest guy ever, and he loves skating. Maybe if I ask him nicely, he'll teach you."

"Oh."

Alex's not sure if he wants to learn how to skate. He's never had any interest in falling out of a moving board and dying. He tells Julie that, but she rolls her eyes.

"Dude, unless you want to admit you totally lied, this is the only way you'll get a chance with Leo."

Alex really starts considering his options. How hard can it be to learn, after all? Even if he's the least coordinated person to ever exist, (yes, he knows he's a drummer but that's _different_ ,) it can't be that bad. Besides, falling and breaking something scares him less than having to tell Leo that he lied because he panicked because he likes him.

Yeah, he'd rather die.

"Okay," he accepts. "Yeah, that could work. Do you think he'll agree to it?"

"I don't see why not. He's really nice. A couple of weeks ago my backpack broke and he was the only one that helped me to pick all my stuff up. He put my things on his backpack and walked me to my room."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I'll ask him tomorrow after class. Just- if you're going to learn how to skateboard, try not to be _you_ and fall off and break something. The band needs a drummer, and it's going to be really hard getting a new one."

Alex rolls his eyes. "I'm glad you worry about me."

Julie grins.

"Dude, I just saved your ass. Tell me how great I am."

Alex gives her a hug, because she deserves one. Julie laughs when he ends up stumbling and making them fall from the bed.

"You're a life-saver," he mutters from the floor.

"I know," Julie answers.

* * *

Julie tells him that Willie agreed to it on Monday afternoon, when they meet up for lunch.

Alex smiles and thanks her and ignores the confused stares Reggie, Luke and Flynn send his way.

"Who agreed to what?" Reggie asks.

They're sitting on a nice diner near the campus, the one they always go to because Luke works as a waiter there. The week's only starting but Alex is tired and bored and he just hates college. He loves his major and he loves his friends and his band, but sometimes everything's just too much. He doesn't even want to think about adding learning to skate to his never-ending list of things to do. Maybe that's why people shouldn't lie to impress others.

"My friend is going to teach Alex how to skate because he panicked and he lied and told Leo he knew how to do it."

Luke laughs. Flynn does too. Reggie's the only one decent enough to just roll his eyes and chuckle shortly.

"I made a mistake," he groans, playing with the rim of his glass of water. "And I'm being mature and fixing it."

"You're perpetuating a lie," Flynn corrects.

"No, because soon it'll be a truth. A statement that becomes true after you say it it's not a lie."

"Yeah, dude, whatever you say," Reggie pats his hand.

Julie tells him that Willie is free on Wednesday afternoon, and Alex is too. He's kind of scared about receiving lessons from a stranger, but if Julie likes Willie, he probably will too. He asks Julie where to get a skateboard and she dismisses him, letting him know that Willie will let him borrow one of his.

Alex already likes the guy.

Wednesday is a bad day.

One of the professors is mean to him and even if Alex gets it, because he was distracted and he knows he didn't practice enough, the cold comments make him feel bad anyway. Anxiety starts running through his veins and he kind of feels sick. Then one of his drum sticks breaks and the professor tells him that only bad drummers break their sticks and Alex sort-of-wants to cry.

After lunch, he gets a call from his mom, which is kind of comforting until she asks if he has a girlfriend. She always asks the same question, even if Alex's been out to his family for three years now. His parents have just decided to ignore it, and keep acting as if he were straight. Alex hates it, but he swallows the knot in his throat and tells her that no, he's still not seeing anyone. His mom tells him he'll find the right girl soon.

He forgets he had to meet up with Willie until Julie calls him, asking him where the hell he is. Alex curses and runs out of his room, stumbling over his own feet.

Willie (or they guy he guesses it's Willie, judging by the two skateboards he's holding,) is sitting on a bench, staring at his phone, moving his head along to the rhythm of whatever song he's listening through his earphones.

Alex runs towards him, trying to smile. The guy's doing him a huge favor, after all, and the least he can do is look thankful.

"Hey," he greets. The guy looks up and the only thing Alex can think is 'wow he's got pretty hair.' He clears his throat. "Sorry I'm late."

"Don't sweat it."

Willie stands up and offers him a hand. His skin is tan and his eyes are a pretty shade of brown and his smile is bold and confident. He's wearing a tie dye shirt and shorts and cute socks with dinosaurs on them. Alex likes them. 

"I'm Alex," he shakes Willie's hand.

"So, you wanna learn how to skate?" Wille asks and sits down on the bench again. The wind shakes his hair, and Alex has to keep himself from touching it.

"How much did Julie tell you?"

"Not much. Just that you needed to learn as soon as possible. That it was an emergency."

Alex chuckles.

"Yeah, something like that. I- I kind of have a crush on this person, right? And he asked me if I knew how to skate and I panicked and told him I did. So now I'm-"

"Screwed," Willie finishes for him, and it takes Alex an embarrassingly long while to realize that he's joking.

Willie's laugh is sweet and high-pitched and his whole body moves along with it. Alex ends up laughing too, and suddenly it's like he didn't have a bad day at all.

"Yeah, I'm screwed."

"So you've never used a board before?"

"Nope."

Willie spends the whole afternoon trying to convince Alex that no, he's not going to fall. The skateboard shakes under him and the wheels are not stable enough, how do people even do this?

But Willie is the most patient person he's ever met, and he just smiles when Alex gives up and jumps from the board when he gets scared.

"C'mon, try it again."

Willie ends up grabbing him from the waist, trying to teach him how to find his gravity center. Alex flushes but says nothing as Willie's hands press against his hipbones.

"There you go!" Willie cheers when Alex finally gathers up enough courage to impulse himself. He advances a couple of feet until he forgets to keep balance and he goes crashing down.

Willie catches him. Or well, he tries to.

Both of them end up on the floor. Alex is on top of Willie and the sky shines bright above them.

Alex panics for a single second, and then bursts out laughing.

Willie stares at him for a second and then laughs too.

"Are you okay?" He asks Alex.

"Yeah, yeah," he wheezes. "I just- that was actually fun."

"Dude, you looked terrified."

Alex laughs again.

He stands up and offers Willie a hand. They go sit on the bench again, trying to regain their breaths.

"I'm probably the worst skater you've ever seen, huh?"

Willie pretends to think about it for a second and then nods effusively. Alex shoves him a little.

"You're supposed to lie about it! You know, to make me feel better."

"You know you're the worst skater I've ever seen. There's no point in lying."

Alex chuckles.

"You're mean."

Willie nods. "I try."

"Do you think he'll be able to tell I lied?" Alex wonders, and Willie lays a hand on his shoulder. His wrists are covered in colorful bracelets.

"You know what your problem is? That you think way too much. I practically can see you thinking every time I ask you to take impulse. Skating is all about letting go. Trusting your instincts."

"My instincts suck."

Willie pats his shoulder with a smile.

"If we keep practicing, maybe it'll work. I doubt you'll be able to do tricks though."

"Oh god, I _don't_ wanna do those."

Willie ends up showing him what he can do, and Alex is pretty impressed. He jumps benches and sidewalks and does tricks while landing and Alex's heart does a leap every time it looks like Willie's about to fall. But Willie never falls, just grins and flips his hair and keeps on skating.

The sky is starting to darken when Alex gets hungry. He asks Willie if he wants to grab dinner with him and Willie nods and they both try to skate to a café near the park.

Alex has to admit that he has way too much fun hanging with Willie. He's funny and thoughtful and awfully sweet to everyone. Alex insists on buying him coffee and they sit and talk and talk and talk.

Willie is a junior, so he's one year older than Alex. He's an art major and he's really into street and abstract art. He works in an animal shelter whenever he's not skating or studying and he loves dancing. Alex feels his face drawing a smile when Willie mentions the dancing part and tells him that he loves dancing too.

Willie is in a dancing group and they meet every Thursday night. He asks Alex to join and for some reason, even if Alex is so damn busy all the time, he accepts. He doesn't even realize how late it is until the lady behind the counter tells him they're about to close. It's 10 freaking p.m.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then?" Willie asks. They're walking towards his dorm because Willie insisted on walking him home. Alex nods and smiles.

"I'm really nervous about joining a dance group because I'll probably fuck up but- yeah, I wanna do it."

"I'm sure you'll do great. Don't be nervous, they're all really nice." The shadows of the street lights fall over Willie and Alex can't help but notice the way he just looks- pretty.

"Being nervous is kind of my thing so-"

Willie chuckles at his comment. They stop in front of his building. Alex hands Willie his board but he shakes his head, raising a hand.

"No, keep it. Try practicing your balance, alright?"

"Will do. And, um, thank you. For everything, dude, you're literally a life-saver."

"Don't worry. Honestly, when Julie asked me if I could teach one of her friends how to skate, I just thought it'd be fun. But you're hilarious."

Alex's stomach shrinks a little. He doesn't know what is it with Willie, but it's just so- easy being around him. He's always been anxious around new people, always second guessing his words and so terrified of doing something stupid that he usually ends up coming off as awkward or shy. That's why he doesn't really have many friends, but being around Willie is just that- easy.

There's no second guessing or worrying or fear crushing him. It's nice. Maybe they'll be good friends. He honestly needs to hang out with someone that's not Luke or Reggie.

"Thanks anyway."

"Thank me when you impress the guy, not before."

"Deal. If it works, I'll do whatever you want."

They exchange numbers and say goodbye. Alex lies in his bed and calls Julie, and tells her that everything went fine. Mostly. She asks if he fell and he says that yeah, he did, multiple times, but it wasn't that bad. Skating isn't really his thing, but Willie makes it fun.

The next day, his anxiety tells him that agreeing to go to the dance group was definitely a bad idea, and fear makes him beg Reggie to please go with him.

Reggie looks contradicted, because he has an exam on three days and a lot of homework, but Alex promises he'll buy him pizza afterwards, so Reggie accepts. Alex knows it's also because Reggie's aware of how bad his anxiety can get, and he's always willing to go with him when he's scared of going somewhere alone.

"I love you so much," Alex mutters, hugging Reggie when he finally says yes.

"I know, I know. I don't even know how to dance."

Reggie's kind of right about that, but Alex just smiles and hugs him one more time before he leaves running because he's late for class.

The dance group meetings are in a studio near the college campus. Reggie and Alex walk there after band practice, and Alex tries not to think about the fact that Julie and Luke left together for dinner. They're finally advancing in their relationship, after almost two years of dancing around each other and staring and longing and pining. Alex is happy for them, he really is. Julie and Luke are perfect together, they balance and understand each other. Julie's told him that they're nothing official yet, but Alex knows it's only a matter of time. He hopes he doesn't have to wait another two years until they finally take the next step.

There's only twelve people on the dance group, and Alex vaguely recognizes a couple of them from class. They are very welcoming, and they're nice and they introduce themselves to Reggie and him and it's a lot of fun.

Willie doesn't leave his side for the whole two hours, and they dance and laugh and joke. Alex learns the choreography as best as he can and laughs at Reggie's attempt of dancing. When the two hours are over and the leader, a girl named Carrie, asks them if they'll be coming back so they can officially sign up, Alex doesn't think twice about saying yes. Reggie shakes his head effusively, though, trying to catch his breath.

"I'm no dancer," he says, taking a water bottle from Willie, "just a good friend."

"The best one ever," Alex agrees.

Alex really doesn't know why, but when they're leaving so he can buy Reggie his pizza, he invites Willie to go with them. Willie seems kind of shocked at first, but he accepts with a grin.

The pizzeria is kind of empty and the three of them sit at a table. Reggie and Willie spend the whole time talking about a band Alex doesn't know, but he has fun anyway.

"Their bassist is so cool," Reggie says, taking a bite of his pizza. "He does this crazy thing while he plays, I wanna try it."

Willie hums a little. "You guys are in Julie's band, right?"

"Yeah," Alex answers. "We're Julie and the Phantoms."

"Tell your friends," Reggie finishes for him.

"You guys been together for a long time?"

"Um, kinda, yeah. Almost two years now," Reggie's always the one who tells the story. After all, they met in the least common way possible, and it's a funny story to tell. "Luke, Alex and I have been friends for like, thirteen years now. And we had a band, Sunset Curve, but that ended pretty badly. We got into some trouble with a record company and we lost all rights to our songs. It was horrible."

That part of the story always hurts, even if it was long ago. Alex's always going to kind-of-miss Sunset Curve, but he also believes the change was for the better. Now they have a new band a new sound and a new best friend.

"That sucks," Willie says. Reggie shakes his head.

"Nah, we're over it. The thing is, we were kind of pissed at the record company. So we did something a little illegal."

"You guys did something _illega_ l?" Willie repeats. He sounds intrigued.

"A _little_ illegal," Alex points out. "Just a little."

"I can't see Alex doing something illegal," Willie's words are true, but he had been angry and hurt and sad and the idea didn't seem so bad at the time. After all, all of his impulse control disappears when Luke and Reggie try hard enough.

"Oh, dude, it was so cool. We're- um- legally not allowed to talk about it, though, so you'll have to use your imagination. The thing is, we had to do community service, and that's where we met Julie!" Reggie finishes, shaking his hands a little.

"Julie did community service?"

"Oh, god, no. She volunteered at it. We became friends, and after a lot of convincing her, we formed a new band. Then we all got into this college and that's where we started taking it seriously. We're thinking about recording a demo."

"Cool. But now I really need to know what you guys did."

Alex shakes his head. "Sorry, no can do. Maybe you'll learn sometime, when we become famous and release a book. It'll be in our autobiography."

Willie rolls his eyes, and Alex smiles at him. He doesn't realize they're staring intensely at each other until Reggie clears his throat. Alex breaks eye contact and tries not to look too flustered. It's just that Willie's eyes are really pretty, and his face is worth staring at.

"It's getting late," Reggie says. "We should probably go."

"Yeah, you're right," Wille turns to Alex and gives him another big, cocky grin. "When do you wanna have your next lesson?"

"Um. Whenever you can, it's fine by me."

"Does Sunday work for you?"

"Totally."

"Perfect! See you then."

Willie leaves and Reggie stares at Alex for a long time, with that smug expression he uses when he thinks he knows something Alex doesn't.

"Dude, what?"

Reggie lets out a little laugh. "Oh, nothing. It's just- I like this guy for you."

Alex's heart stops. "Oh god, that's definitely not what's happening. I barely know him, we're just friends. Dude, I don't even know if he's into guys. Besides, you're forgetting that I'm doing this because of Leo. To impress him."

Reggie groans.

"Right. Leo."

"I _like_ Leo, okay? Drop it." Alex grabs his backpack and leaves the pizzeria, Reggie running beside him.

"I know, dude. I just don't want you to get hurt."

Alex relaxes a little. Reggie's words warm his heart, and maybe he should stop being so stubborn about his crush. But Leo's been nice to him and Alex really wants to have a chance with someone. For once. He's not going to let his friends' worries get in the way.

"Thanks, Reg. I appreciate it, but I can take care of myself, alright?"

"Alright. Just don't come to me when Leo breaks your heart."

Alex scoffs. "He's not going to break my heart."

At least he hopes not.


	2. Largo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick disclaimer: although I'm a college student, I don't go to american college, and I have no idea of how those work. I'm just guessing stuff from all the movies and shows I've seen ok bye

Leo texts him that Sunday, while Alex is having ice cream with Willie.

They've just finished their little lesson and they're both kind of sweating and tired and ice cream seemed like a good idea.

"Are you seriously ordering vanilla ice cream?" Willie shoves him, and Alex shrugs.

"It's good, leave me alone."

"It's so _boring_! I always order a flavor I've never tried before."

"Then how do you know you'll like it?"

"That's the point!" Willie sounds amused and annoyed at the same time, and Alex likes the way he stresses so easily. "You don't know if you'll like it. It's an adventure."

Alex makes a face. He has to admit that now he's just trying to see how much he can annoy Willie.

"I don't like adventures."

"Dude-!"

Alex laughs, and Willie follows along.

"You're driving me crazy, Alex."

"I try."

Alex ends up changing his order to something called 'strawberry explosion', just because Willie insists. He has to admit that he likes it, but he refuses to try the crazy-green-flavored thing Willie is holding.

"Do you think I'm getting better at this whole skating thing?" Alex asks. Willie grimaces a little and Alex throws a spoonful of ice cream at him.

"You're supposed to lie to me!" He laughs while Willie cleans his face.

"I didn't even say anything. I was just about to say that you _are_ getting better. I mean, you can kind of move quickly without falling now. That's progress."

"Thanks. It's because you're the best teacher ever."

Willie throws some of his ice cream at him too. Alex snorts and cleans it. "I probably deserved that."

"Yeah, you did."

That's when Alex receives the text, and he wants to scream. It's short and concise and Alex reads way too much into it. It says ' _hey do you wanna go to the skate park next Saturday_?' with a smiley face emoji.

He shows it to Willie excitedly, and Willie screams with him about it.

"I was scared he would forget," Alex admits. Willie rolls his eyes a little.

"I don't think anyone could forget about you, Alex."

It's not until they're leaving the restaurant that Alex realizes he's only got one week left to learn enough about skating so that when he meets up with Leo it won't seem like he literally just learned how to do it.

Willie frowns and stops to think about it for a second.

"We can meet again tomorrow if you want, but then I don't think I'll be free until Thursday, before dance group. And I've got all Friday free, so it's up to you."

"Can we just- practice those three days?"

"You're a dedicated student," Willie snickers.

"What can I say? My romantic future depends on it."

"See you tomorrow, then."

Alex spends the rest of the day practicing drums. He's been kind of ignoring the fact that his exams are coming up and even if he's doing fine at practical classes and kind of struggling at theorical ones, he still needs to practice. He has dinner with the guys, Julie and Flynn and they all watch a movie in Luke and Reggie's dorm room afterwards. It's fun, and Alex remembers why he likes college after all. Then Monday comes along and he starts stressing again.

He gets to his room and he's tired and he's anxious because he has to sing tomorrow and he hates singing because he has to be on pitch and has to sound good, that's what his grade depends on, and he's always been terrified of singing scales and _ugh_ he hates college. He just knows it'll be a bad day, so he takes a long shower and tries some breathing exercises in order to calm down a little.

He has to meet Willie in an hour if he wants to make it to band practice after that but he just wants to sleep. He figures he can nap for a little bit when his phone lights up with his mom's name.

Alex's throat closes. He really doesn't feel like talking to his mom, but he also knows she'll get pissed if he doesn't answer. It's just- sometimes it's hard, talking to her. His house became a really uncomfortable place to be at after he came out, and finally going to college seemed to be the perfect opportunity to let his parents breathe and get used to the idea that he's gay. But they had started to act like he'd never say anything in the first place and Alex is so sick of it.

He knows that he doesn't need his family's approval. He has his friends, who've always supported him, and he has himself. He's proud of who he is, he's proud of the person he's become and sometimes, when it's late at night and the world seems a little too dark, that has to be enough.

But he also- he wants that. To have supportive parents who go to pride with him and don't hate him and don't act like he suddenly stopped existing when he first felt brave enough to tell them his truth. He wants parents that won't ask him about a non-existent girlfriend and won't tell him it's only a matter of time until he meets the right girl. Sometimes, he just wants his family to understand.

He picks up the phone anyway.

"Hi, honey," his mom's voice is sweet and kind and Alex wants to cry a little.

"Hi, mom."

They talk for a little while. Christmas break is coming up and she asks once again if he'll be coming home and he answers once again that yes, all of them will be going home for Christmas. She tells him that his sister is doing great at school and talks about the neighbor’s new cat. Then she asks if he has any plans this weekend, and Alex decides to tell the truth.

"Yeah. I kind of have a date with this guy. I don't know if it's a date, but hopefully we-"

"Oh," his mom cuts him abruptly. Her voice sounds surprisingly cold. "I have to go, Alex. Bye."

And then she hangs up.

Alex doesn't mean to, but he's a very emotional person, even if he doesn't like to admit it, and he cries. A lot. He's still shedding some tears while he walks to the park where he and Willie always meet. His head hurts and he just wants to sleep but he can't miss the freaking skating lesson because, after everything that's happened to him, he doesn't want to look stupid in front of his crush. That's the only thing he asks for.

Willie's not there when Alex gets to the park, so he sits on their usual bench and cleans his tears. He doesn't need to burden Willie with his stupid problems. The guy's already doing so much for him.

But of course Willie notices when he gets there. He frowns at him, with a concerned expression, and asks him what's wrong. Alex really, really, really doesn't mean to, but he bursts out crying again. He can't help it.

Willie hugs him, and it's warm and it feels nice. It feels right. He doesn't say anything, and Alex is thankful for that. He swallows down his tears after a while and breaks away from the hug. Willie still looks kind of worried, and Alex forces himself to smile.

"Don't worry," he says. He rubs his face with his hands, trying to make the tears go away. "I'm just- I'm just being stupid."

Willie shakes his head. "If something upset you, then it's not stupid, Alex."

Alex sighs.

"Do you want to tell me what happened? It's okay if you don't want to, but you can always talk to me, okay?"

Alex really, really doesn't deserve a friend like Willie. He offers another smile and shrugs.

"It's just my mom. She called and well- things are tense between us, I guess. They've been tense for a long while now. I love her, and I know she loves me, but, um, ever since I came out it's all been different with my family. My dad barely talks to me. My mom is trying to act like I never said anything." Willie stares at him the whole time while he talks, and his eyes are open wide and his face is so compassionate and Alex has never felt this _heard_ before. It's really easy talking to Willie. "I usually ignore it but sometimes it's just- sometimes it's all too much. I'm sorry if I'm being dramatic."

"Oh, no, not at all. Your feelings are valid, dude. It's your family, and it sucks that they don't have your back. I'm sorry you're going through that."

"Thanks."

It's just a word. But Alex means so much by it, and he tries to make that clear with his face. Willie nods a little and covers one of his hands with his own.

"Thanks for telling me. Now, are you feeling up to some skating?"

Alex nods.

He does think he's getting somewhat better. He's no expert, but at least he can freaking move without falling or looking stupid. The week goes by really quickly, between class and band rehearsal and dance group and hanging out with Willie.

Saturday arrives way too soon, and he's not ready. He really isn't.

He tells Luke that on Saturday morning. Alex is sitting at the bar of the diner where Luke works, watching him pour coffee and clean tables. The place is kind of busy, but Luke still finds time to stand still in front of him and listen to him rant.

"What time did you guys agree on?"

"Five p.m." He answers dryly. Luke hums and hands him a cup of coffee. It's black and bitter and he loves it. "Thanks," he adds after taking a sip. Luke rolls his eyes a little.

"I've known you forever dude, I know you need caffeine when you're stressed. Not that you need to be stressed though, things will go great."

Luke gives him that fake, way-too-big smile he uses when he's lying. Alex sighs.

"You don't think this is a good idea, do you?"

"Well," the world is long and high pitched and Alex sticks out his tongue at him. "I think that basing a relationship on a lie is a bad idea. And like, you don't know this guy at all. You've talked to him like, twice."

"First," Alex starts, taking another sip from his coffee. "I don't even know if it's a date. Second, it's not a lie anymore. I know how to skate."

Luke snorts and throws a dishcloth at him.

"I don't know Willie but I'm positive he can't make miracles."

"I _can_ skate!" Alex repeats, throwing the dishcloth back at Luke. "He's a really good teacher. And _third_ , I don't know why I like Leo, okay? But I do. And I think he may like me too. So I'm taking my chance."

Luke raises his hands. "Okay, okay. It's just that- you have a habit of crushing on the worst guys ever, dude."

And well, Luke may be a little right about that part. It's not his fault, honestly. First, it was this guy from his high school, who was a year older than him when Alex was still in the closet and he was the only openly gay person Alex knew and of course he had a crush on him. He was nice and outgoing and didn't care about what people thought about him. But of course, when Alex finally gathered up enough courage to ask him out, the guy laughed at him and told him he didn't date blonds. Alex cried. A lot. He told his friends a couple of months later, when he came out to them, and they kind of laugh at the story now, but Alex hates the fact that that's how his first 'romantic' experience turned out.

And then there was this guy from his intro to music theory class last year, who totally led him on.

Alex really, really thought they were on to something, but they guy was straight, and totally stopped talking to Alex when he realized Alex was trying to flirt. So yeah, he hasn't had the best luck when it comes to boyfriends.

"This time will be different," Alex says, really hoping his words become true. "I can feel it."

"Yeah. Whatever you say. Just please be careful, okay? Both physically and emotionally."

"Anyway, how did things go with Julie last night?"

Luke's whole expression changes and then he's babbling about Julie. Alex just laughs. There's something about the way he talks about her, about the way his face lights up and his hands start fidgeting. Luke's always had so much confidence about everything, but Julie is different for him. It just makes him so soft, in a way.

Luke talks and talks and talks, and Alex's thoughts about that afternoon quiet down a little. Willie has told him a thousand times that he'll probably do just fine and Leo won't be able to tell he lied. He trusts Willie.

By four p.m., he's panicking again. He's trying to decide what to wear but his breathing is fast and shallow and he doesn't understand why meeting with Leo gives him so much anxiety. He's never felt this nervous around a person. He calls Willie, because lately he's the only person able to calm him down.

Willie doesn't care if Alex gets ridiculously nervous about normal stuff. He always listens and manages to say the perfect thing to make his whole body loosen up. Willie talks to him in that sweet, calming tone of voice, and by the time he's supposed to leave, he's so much calmer.

"Thanks, dude," he says to Willie while he leaves his dorm room. "You're literally the best."

Willie sighs on the other end of the phone. "I've always got you."

The skate park is a little far from the college campus, and Alex takes the chance to skate over there, trying to figure out how to look cool while doing it. He imitates Willie and his calm expression and the way he buries his hands in his pockets and he probably fails at looking half as chill as Willie does.

The skate park is full of people, and Alex immediately starts feeling _wrong_. He doesn't like crowded places, especially crowded places where he can lose all of his dignity.

"Hey, dude, you came!" Leo smiles at him from where he's sitting, surrounded by some friends. Alex feels himself blushing but walks towards him, plastering a fake smile on his face.

"Hi," he mutters, sheepishly. Leo fist-bumps him and nods towards Willie's skateboard.

"Nice wheels," Alex is way too nervous to respond to that, so he just nods awkwardly. Honestly, someone kill him now.

The afternoon doesn't go that well. Leo and his friends barely skate, they just talk between them and smoke. They freaking smoke. Alex has nothing against it, he just- hates it. He feels so out of place it's ridiculous.

Leo has the decency of trying to include him in the conversation, but he doesn't really care. Alex can tell. Three hours pass, and Alex could swear he's entered some sort of time loop where minutes last for hours. Alex is about to give up and go home, but then Leo grabs his skateboard and looks at him and asks if he wants to go skate with him for a little.

Alex nods effusively and walks away from the smoke and the stupid jokes he really doesn't get.

They advance slowly through the empty parts of the skate park, and Leo asks him about the band.

"Oh, we're doing good. We're trying to write more songs so we can record a demo."

"Nice. Do you have any more gigs coming up?"

Alex shakes his head. "Nah, not until Christmas break starts. We're just really busy with class and stuff. There's a concert with a lot of bands just before we all have to head home, so we'll be playing at that."

Leo grimaces. "If you're already in a band then why do you study drums?"

"Um," no one's asked Alex that before. It's a weird question. "I like it?" He answers, not really knowing how to proceed. "I've always known I wanted to study music, and it helps a lot, you know, to write songs and just- I don't know. Sometimes I hate college, who doesn't, but I love my major."

Leo shrugs. "I just didn't think studying music was necessary, you know?"

Alex doesn't really feel like explaining the importance of musical theory and technical skills and melody and harmony knowledge, so he swallows down his words and keeps on skating. Leo takes a cigarette from a packet on his pocket and offers him one. Alex shakes his head and Leo shrugs and starts smoking. Alex purses his lips, because the whole thing is becoming uncomfortable.

Leo starts talking about other things, and Alex listens while he stares at the road in front of him, remembering Willie's words about relaxing and just letting go. The conversation turns a little less awkward after that and he kind-of-remembers why he was crushing on Leo so hard.

That's when things _really_ go downhill.

By eight thirty, Alex decides he's had enough. He grabs Willie's skateboard and tells Leo he has to get going. Leo smiles at him and waves goodbye, and Alex finds courage to ask what he's been meaning to ask all afternoon.

"Uh, Leo?" He mutters. Leo looks up to him and all of his bravery disappears. But he forces himself to keep talking. "Maybe we could do this again sometime soon? I mean, maybe go to a less crowded place, get some coffee, you know, just you and me?"

Leo blinks. Then he blinks again.

Alex's heart drops to his stomach.

"Oh. _Oh_." Leo offers him a smile, but it's uncomfortable and his body language tells Alex everything he needs to know. Jesus, he feels _so_ stupid. "Dude," Leo groans, hiding his face behind his hands. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, seriously. But I'm not- I never was- you're not my type."

Of course Alex is not ‘his type.’ He wants to scream.

"Yeah," he hurries out of his mouth. "Yeah, of course. I'm sorry. I just- I- I couldn't- I should've- I didn't mean to- I'm sorry."

Leo takes a step back. His face is a grimace and Alex really _really_ hates himself.

"Don't worry," Leo brings his cigarette to his mouth and then exhales. The smoke hits Alex in the face.

"Just friends, I get it," he croaks out. He needs to get out of there.

Then Leo's face falls and his words have the decency to sound a little ashamed.

"Um, actually, I think it's better if we just- you know- I don't-" Leo sighs and takes another step back. "Maybe we shouldn't talk anymore."

Alex's too angry to be sad. But he just nods, biting the inside of his cheek.

"Right."

"Right," Leo repeats. "Bye, Alex," he finishes. His voice is so cold it reminds him of his mom's tone whenever he talks about his sexuality.

Of course the guys were right. Another name straight to Alex's list of crushes on jerks.

Fucking awesome.

* * *

He doesn't want to be alone. He just, he needs to talk to someone right now. It's nine p.m. and he's walking aimlessly through the streets near the college campus, Willie's skateboard heavy in his hand. He sort of wants to kick the skateboard until he breaks it, but he knows he can't.

He usually would call Julie or Luke or Reggie and vent to them about his horrible romantic experiences, but he doesn't feel like being judged.

He knows his friends are understanding, that they'll drop anything they're doing to be there for Alex. But he also feels a little sad about the fact that they were right.

Jesus, how can he be so _goddamn_ stupid?

Reggie literally told him to not come to him when Leo broke his heart. And Luke told him to be careful, and Julie asked him to wait until he knew Leo a little better before going all crazy on him. And now he's here, struggling to keep his tears to himself, wishing he'd never met Leo in the first place.

Then Willie texts him.

It's short and sweet and Alex's heart melts.

_How did things go?_

Alex is pressing the call button before he can stop himself. Willie answers immediately, and Alex can hear the smile in his voice.

"So, did our classes work?"

"I-," then he realizes this was probably another bad idea, because he has no idea what to say. Words get stuck in his throat and tears threaten to spill from his eyes. "Not exactly."

"Dude, what happened?" Willie's voice sounds so concerned and Alex really doesn't understand why it's so easy to let all of his emotions flow when he's talking to him.

"So, I probably misread all of our interactions. No, not probably. Definitely. He- um, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore."

"Alex-"

"No, it's totally my fault. I should've known better. I just- I was so into him, and I don't even know why. Reggie was right, he's kind of a douche and I can't believe I tried so hard to impress him, and now I can't-"

"Alex," Willie repeats, softer this time. "Breathe."

"Oh, right."

He forces himself to breathe. His chest is tight and his voice is strained and he doesn't even know why he's getting so worked up about this whole thing.

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. In the street. Just, you know. Walking, clearing my head."

Willie hums. "It's getting late. Maybe you should go home."

"I kind of don't want to be alone right now," he admits in a whisper.

"Then come over."

Alex stops walking. He's never been to Willie's dorm; he doesn't even know where he lives. But it does seem like a good idea. Willie's great at making him forget, and he really, really needs to forget right now.

"You sure?" He asks, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Of course. I'll text you the address to my apartment, wait."

"Wait, you have an apartment?"

Willie laughs at his comment.

"Yeah, I share with some friends. It gives you more freedom than living at the dorms, especially if you stay up all night drawing."

Willie's apartment is not far from where he is. He rings the doorbell and the old metal gate opens with a creak. Willie lives on the fifth floor and there's no elevator, so he climbs the stairs with his heart pounding wildly against his chest.

He knocks at the door and Willie is there in an instant, offering him a genuine, sympathetic smile. His hair is tied into a messy bun and he's wearing a gray, big hoodie.

"Hey," Alex manages to say. He stares at the skateboard he's holding and hands it to Willie. "I probably won't need this anymore."

Willie grimaces. "Come in."

The apartment is a mess. There's clothes and dishes all over the place, three skateboards lying on the floor and a cracked helmet over the kitchen table.

"It's me and two friends," Willie explains. He leads him to the back of the apartment, kicking everything that comes across his path. "It's really hard keeping this place clean. Believe me, right now, it's pretty decent."

Alex chuckles. They enter Willie's room, and Alex is amazed by the fact that the entirety of it is covered in drawings. The walls, the floor, the bed, they're all buried under watercolors and pencil and pieces of paper. There's something that seems like an abstract sculpture in the middle of the room, surrounded by wires and pieces of metal. The only clean spot is a desk, that has a closed laptop and a sketchbook and some color pencils scattered around.

"Yeah, this place is always this messy," Willie smiles at him and grabs everything covering his bed and throws it on the floor. He sits and pats the space beside him, inviting Alex. Alex sits and sighs. Willie places a hand on his shoulder and looks at him with those pretty brown eyes.

"Tell me everything."

And Alex does. From the start to the end, he talks and talks and talks. Willie listens, staring intensely at him, and Alex feels so _listened to._

"I'm so fucking stupid," he finishes, burying his face inside his hands. "I'm an idiot."

"No, you're not. I mean, he was the idiot, not you."

Alex shakes his head. "I should've known. No one ever- I'm not made for this. For love."

Willie pats his back a little. "None of us are," he tells him. "Some of us are just lucky enough to find it."

"I've always had bad luck."

They stay silent for a little while, but it's not uncomfortable. Alex looks at the drawings, taking in all of the talent Willie has. His art is amazing. There's one drawing by his side, and it's a dog sitting behind a drum kit. It's funny and beautiful and Alex stares at it for a long while. The dog's wearing sunglasses.

"Oh, you like that one?" Willie catches him staring at it and leans over him to take it. He stands up and walks towards his desk, grabs a pencil and scribbles something on it. Then he folds it over and hands it to Alex. "Keep it."

"You sure?"

Willie snorts.

"Yeah. I mean, it's not like it's a masterpiece. Take it." Alex smiles and takes the piece of paper. He buries it in his pocket, grounded by the texture of the paper in his hand.

"You're sad," Willie mutters. He leans against a wall, looking at him with a pout.

Alex shrugs. "I'm probably not the best company right now. If you want me to leave-"

"No! No, Alex, of course not. I'm just trying to figure out a way to cheer you up. Let me think- oh I know!" Willie jumps a little and some of his hair falls out of his bun. "Get up," he continues. "We're going somewhere."

"Where?"

Willie shakes his head. "It's a surprise. Move. And bring your skateboard."

"You mean _your_ skateboard."

Willie rolls his eyes at him.

"It's yours now."

The night is somewhat cold, and the wind hits him right in the face as he skates behind Willie, trying to keep up with him. They leave the campus are and head towards the city, and Alex asks again where are they going, but Willie just grins at him and shrugs. Alex doesn't know if he wants to hug him or punch him.

Finally, Willie stops in front of a museum. Alex has seen the place a couple of times, but he's never entered. The huge gates are closed with thick chains and a lock.

"This is... it?" Alex mutters, stepping down from the skateboard. Willie does the same and stares at the closed gates with a smile.

"Yep," Willie advances towards the gates and touches the chains briefly. "Have you ever been inside?"

Alex shakes his head.

"Well, it's the best place in the whole world. I always come here when I'm stressed."

"Yeah, but it's closed."

Willie gives him a confident wink, and Alex's stomach drops.

"Dude, no. I'm not doing something illegal ever again."

Willie pouts at him. "Please. And besides, it's not like we're breaking in or anything. I know the janitor, and he sometimes leaves the back door open for me."

"Sometimes?"

"Maybe you'll be lucky this time."

The back door _is_ open, and they enter a little dark room. The actual museum is a door away, but Willie doesn't seem to care. He stands on his tiptoes and fishes for something with his fingers on the top of a shelve. 

"Ah, there it is."

"How do you know where they keep the keys?"

Willie winks at him. "I told you, I'm friends with the janitor."

"Is it- still illegal?"

Willie opens the door and points at the other side, taking a little bow. Alex can't help but chuckle.

"Yes. Still illegal. After you."

They skate through the empty hallways of the museum, checking the expositions out. Willie talks about the pieces and everything he knows about them, and Alex is relaxed by his tone of voice.

He just sounds so excited, and Alex finds it really- _endearing._ That's the word.

"Are you feeling better?" Willie asks suddenly. It takes Alex a second to figure out what he's talking about.

"Dude, I had completely forgotten why we were here," he says. He realizes he sounds kind of surprised.

Willie draws a smile.

"So it worked."

"Yeah. It did. Thanks, man. Really."

Willie sits on the floor of the museum, and Alex does the same. They're really close together, and Willie's presence is warm by his side. They lay their heads against the wall and stay silent for a little while.

"You're not stupid, Alex," Willie says suddenly. Alex is a little taken aback by his words. He doesn't know how to answer. "You really aren't," he continues. "You're just- I don't know. Really innocent."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not at all."

Alex smiles. Willie does the same. It's nice.

Then Willie stands up suddenly. His bun unties completely, and his long hair falls around his shoulders.

"Shit, what time is it?"

"Um," Alex checks his phone. "Two minutes to midnight, why?"

Willie laughs. "We really need to go. At midnight they turn on the alarm."

Alex chokes a little. "The alarm?" He screeches, standing up too.

"C'mon, run!"

But Willie is still laughing, and Alex laughs too. They leave by the back door and skate through the dark, adrenaline rushing strongly through Alex's veins.

They stop near the college campus. Alex punches Willie softly in the arm, trying to get back his breath.

"I can't believe you made me do that." He mutters. Willie hasn't stopped grinning in what seems like the whole night.

"I can't believe you _did_ it. But, hey, it was fun, right?"

"It was."

They say goodbye. Alex is tired and hungry and his feelings are so mixed he really doesn't know how what he's actually felling.

Willie insists on letting him keep the skateboard and Alex agrees because he's realized he hates saying no to Willie. He walks to his dorm room and really checks his phone for the first time in the night.

He's got a couple of texts from the guys, asking him about his encounter with Leo, but Alex doesn't feel like talking to anybody. He'll have time to tell them tomorrow at band practice.

He lies down in bed and stares at the ceiling. Then, before he regrets it, he sends Willie a text.

_I hope you had a good time breaking the rules. Thanks for everything._

Willie answers three seconds later. It's just a winking face emoji.

Alex's heart bursts inside his chest.

* * *

He wakes up to the sound of pounding on his door. He gets up from his bed, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Then the pounding increases, and Alex groans.

He opens the door and finds Julie standing in front of him, handing him a cup of coffe. Her expression is smug and she gives him a knowing smile.

"Hi," Alex says.

Julie shakes the cup of coffee she's handing him and he takes it carefully.

"Band practice is in half an hour and you're still sleeping?" She asks, coming in. Alex closes the door behind him and goes lie on his bed again.

"It's early," he complains, covering his eyes with his forearm. Julie hums.

"It's ten o'clock, dude. It's not early."

"But it's Sunday."

"That's why I brought you coffee. Drink it and get dressed. Now."

"Yes ma'am."

He gets dressed while Julie scrolls through her phone. She doesn't ask about the whole thing with Leo, and Alex is oddly thankful. He really doesn't know how to explain everything that happened yesterday. Maybe if he ignores it it'll be like it never happened at all. But he doesn't want to ignore it. Not the last part, at least.

"You seem happy," Julie notices as they walk towards the practice room. Alex shrugs. The coffee is cold now, but he keeps drinking it. "I guess that means things went well last night."

Alex shakes his head with a smile. "It was horrible."

Julie stops walking. "Excuse me?"

"It was horrible," Alex repeats. He's playing with his drum sticks, trying to let go of the anxiety he didn't realize he was feeling. "You guys were right. Leo's a jerk. I totally misread things and thought it was a date but Leo was less than interested and now he doesn't want to speak to me ever again."

Julie frowns with confusion.

"But-"

"C'mon, we don't wanna be late." Alex says with a smile, and keeps on walking. Julie opens her mouth but doesn't say anything, following him through the hallways.

"I need an explanation," she demands.

Yeah, Alex does too, because he's not sad anymore. A little angry, maybe, and he still feels a little embarrassed, but now the whole thing doesn't seem like a big deal. He doesn't know why, but he's not upset. His heart is not broken, even if he just experienced another rejection. The worst one, even, because Alex learned how to fucking _skate_ to impress him. But whatever. Life goes on.

Reggie and Luke are already in the practice room. They're playing some melody Alex doesn't recognize, but he likes it, and his mind immediately provides him with a drum beat that could go along with it.

His friends assault him with questions as soon as they see him. Alex answers as best as he can, but Luke and Reggie act like two over excited puppies and it's hard to answer all of their questions at once. It's Julie who raises her hands and slaps the guys on the back of their heads.

"Will you please let him speak?"

They shut up, and Alex reunites courage to tell the story once again. By the time he finishes, his friends seem confused.

"That's um- that sucks, Alex," Luke offers. "We're sorry."

Alex shrugs. "Thanks."

Reggie frowns. "You don't seem- you know. Sad."

"I was, at first." He admits. "I just- his words hurt even if it's not his fault that I'm so stupid. And I really felt like crying and you know, dying. But Willie was there. He distracted me, I guess. And now it doesn't feel like a big deal."

"Oh," Julie says. She blinks but offers him a smile. "That's good."

Reggie raises an eyebrow suggestively at him, though. "Willie, huh?" Alex throws one of his drum sticks at him, but Reggie is fast enough to duck, and his stick crashes loudly against the floor.

"Don't even get started with me. Willie and I are just friends."

As the practice progresses, and Alex has time to think while he gets lost in the music, he remembers Willie's winks and grins and laughs, and he wonders if they mean something else.

Oh, no, he's not doing this again. If he always gets his heart broken, it's because he always assumes his crushes are flirting with him. He always assumes the best, and maybe the time has come not to assume anything at all. There's no way Willie is interested in him. No freaking way. He’s not doing this again. They're just friends.

_They'rejustfriendsthey'rejustfriendsthey'rejustfriendsthey'rejust--_

* * *

That Thursday, when Alex manages to be brave enough to text Willie asking him if he'll see him that night at dance group, Willie texts back with a _no, i'm sorry_ and Alex's heart kind-of-breaks. Alex asks why, and his phone lights up with a call.

"Hey," he greets.

"Hey," Willie repeats. His voice lacks its usual emotion, and Alex knows something is wrong. "I'm sorry I can't go to dance group today," he continues. "I'm just- kind of freaking out."

"Okay," Alex stands up and starts pacing through his room, because for some reason, the fact that Willie's freaking out freaks him out. "What happened?"

"I'm an idiot, that's what happened."

"Willie-"

Willie chuckles a little. "It's just that I've got this thing on Saturday, right? For a class. And we're supposed to do this exhibition with our best art projects from the whole semester, and it's like, eighty per cent of my final grade. And we had a month to do it, but for some reason I decided to wait until today to start. I don't think I'll be able to finish before Saturday. Sucks to be me I guess."

"Oh," Alex mutters, because he doesn't know what else to say.

"Yeah, it's my fault. Bring flowers to my funeral, please."

Alex laughs a little. He has an idea.

"Um, well, do you... do you want me to help?"

Willie sounds kind of shocked. "You don't have to, dude, really."

"No, no, I want to. I mean, you helped me so much and I've done all of my assignments for the weekend and I'm guessing all of your artsy friends are busy making their own exhibitions so- maybe if I help you, you'll be able to finish."

"Oh my god, Alex. I mean, if it doesn't bother you-"

"Of course not."

"Then yes, please. Please please please. Come over. I'll buy you some coffee, because I plan to stay up all night."

Alex snorts. "Sounds fun."

Willie's waiting for him on the door of his apartment building, two suitcases by his side, two cups of coffee in his hands and trying to keep the weird metal sculpture that used to be in his room from falling. He's wearing the same grey hoodie and his hair is half up half down, covering his face.

"You're here!" Willie waves at him and Alex watches with horror as the coffee he's holding in his hand spills on the sidewalk. "Oh, shit. Sorry, I'm kind of a mess right now."

Alex takes the cups of coffee from his hands and Willie lets out a sigh of relief.

"So, what's the plan?"

"We're going to the very empty exhibition room with my name on it and we're going to fill the hell out of it. I didn't have time to choose which of my drawings I'm showing, but we'll decide that once we're there, so I'm taking everything with me." Willie nods towards the suitcases. "I've got this really cool idea for painting the walls and it's easy so you can help me with it."

"Hey, I can be artistic." Willie raises an eyebrow at him and yeah, maybe Alex can't. He can't even draw straight lines, but he's not telling Willie that.

"Whatever you say. C'mon, let's go."

Alex loves the faculty of arts of the college. He goes to that side of the campus sometimes, when he meets up with Julie, but Willie leads him through the hallways of an empty, big building he's never been to before, and the smell of paint and coffee is strong.

There are multiple 'exhibition rooms,' as Willie called them, that are big, white and empty rectangular rooms that look like the practice rooms on his side of the college campus. Willie has the keys to one of them, and they enter and leave the suitcases and the sculpture in the middle of the room.

"Are you sure we're allowed to paint the walls?" Alex asks shyly.

"Yeah, of course, as long as I leave the room as it was, I can do whatever I want with it. The whole point of the assignment is to make it your own, right? Make it a part of your art too." Willie stares at the empty walls like there's something else in there, something Alex can't see. He exhales and Alex smiles a little. Willie looks happy. "Let's go get some supplies."

They come back to the room with six buckets of paint, some brushes and a lot of plastic. He helps Willie covering the whole wooden floor with it. The room is bigger than it seemed at the start, and Alex briefly wonders how are they going to finish the whole thing before Saturday morning.

"Okay, now we paint. Your clothes are probably going to get stained though. That's not a problem, right?"

Alex stares down at his worn t-shirt and sweatpants. Yeah, nothing he really cares about. Then he really thinks about it and takes off his shoes, leaving them on one side of the room, covered in some plastic. He just likes those sneakers, okay? They're his favorite.

Willie laughs at him. "Okay, I guess we're ready."

"What are we going to do exactly?"

Willie kneels down and takes the lid off the paint buckets. He grabs a big brush and submerges it on the red paint. Then he throws the paint on the brush at the wall in front of him.

"Whatever you want." Willie explains with a cheeky smile, offering him a brush.

Alex's never had so much fun it what seems like his whole damn life. Willie puts some music on and they dance and throw paint at the walls. The boring white becomes red and purple and yellow and green and blue, and Alex briefly wonders how are they going to get the paint off the ceiling. At some point, Willie throws the paint directly at him, and Alex feels it covering his hair and his face but he laughs and throws back some paint at Willie too.

It takes longer than he'd thought it would, but they have music and coffee and company and Alex feels like he could do this for the rest of his life. When the room looks colorful enough for Willie, Alex checks the hour in his phone. It's two a.m.

Willie sees the hour over his shoulder, and he nods with a smile. "It's still early. Unless, you know, you want to go."

Alex shakes his head so quickly it kind of hurts. Willie chuckles a little. "What now, boss?"

"Help me pick some of my drawings?"

They spend the next three hours going through all Willie's drawings and paintings and sketches. Alex stares at them, amazed, but Willie just throws them around until he finds something that catches his attention. They make a little pile and Alex holds it for Willie as he walks through the room, trying to figure out where to put them.

"It'd be cool if you hanged them from the ceiling," Alex jokes between a yawn. It's almost five a.m., and he's getting kind of tired. But Willie's eyes open wildly and he starts nodding effusively.

"You are a genius, Alex!"

"Um, I don't think-"

"Give me five minutes."

Willie leaves the room running and Alex stares at the door, trying to figure out why the worst idea he's ever had seems like a good one to Willie.

But Willie does know what he's doing, and he hangs some of the drawings from the ceiling with this thin, white thread so it looks like they're floating. He doesn't know how he does it, but if you look at them from the other side of the room, the drawings form the shape of a heart. The sun is starting to shine again by the time they're done hanging the drawings from the ceiling. They still have to hang some of the paintings on the walls, but Willie tells them that he's happy they've done so much already.

They sit on the floor again, staring at the drawings being softly shaken by the wind. They're really close, and Alex's heart is beating wildly in against his bones.

"Thank you," Willie says suddenly, shifting a little. They're face to face now, and Alex can feel the warmth of Willie's skin. "Really, Alex, you saved my life."

Alex can feel himself flushing a little. "You've helped me so much already. I'm just returning the favor. Besides, I had fun tonight. I always have fun hanging out with you."

And then Willie's covering his hand with his own, and his brain stops functioning. His hand is cold but oh-so-warm against his skin. His breath hitches a little. Willie stares at their hands, their finger now intertwined, and then back up at him.

Alex doesn't even realize they're leaning towards each other until Willie's breath mixes with his own and they're close, s _oclosesoclosesoclose-_

And then Willie leans back. He lets out a little laugh, and his eyes shine. Alex leans back too, and they say nothing. He doesn't know what just happened.

"Maybe we should go get some sleep," Willie clears his throat and stands up suddenly. His hands fidget, and Alex's never seen him so nervous. "You know, before we have to get ready for class."

Alex's aware that he's staring at Willie like an _idiot,_ and puts effort into thinking like a goddamn human being again.

"Yeah," he says at last, standing up too. "Sure."

They're leaving the room in some sort of uncomfortable silence when Willie grabs his hand again. He offers him another one of his huge grins, as if nothing had happened.

"Thanks again, man. I owe you my life. I have to go bring something, I just had an idea-"

Willie breaks into a run and he disappears through the hallways.

There's so much tension running through Alex's veins he decides to run too. On the opposite direction.

There's only one thing he can think about while he runs towards his dorm room, trying to ignore the way his skin seems to remember the feeling of Willie's face so close to his own-

Jesus _fucking_ Christ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watch me try to finish this story before my finals week starts  
> alex hating college is just me venting and I want everyone to know that  
> comment what you thought of the chapter, I always reply! Thanks for reading <3


	3. Presto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last part! In case you didn't notice, the names of the chapters are "allegro, largo and presto", which is the usual estructure of classic music concerts. A concert like that usually has three movements that tell the story in three parts and I don't know, I just thought it was a cool way to name the chapters. ok whatever.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: panic attack.

"But what if he doesn't like me?" Alex mutters.

Luke screams. Julie punches him in the shoulder and Reggie bangs his head against the wall of the practice room.

"How can you be so dense?" Luke croaks. He grabs Alex from the shoulders and shakes him a little. "Willie likes you, dude! It's so damn obvious I can't even-"

Alex shakes his head. "I don't know. I'm not risking our friendship, alright? I always think people are interested in me and then it turns out they aren't. I don't want to make things uncomfortable with Willie."

Reggie walks towards him too. Julie's taken a seat behind the keyboard; her face buried in her hands.

"Dude," Reggie starts, staring intensely at him. "I've seen the way he looks at you. He likes you. I think the way you guys almost fucking _kissed_ proves it."

"Maybe I imagined that part of the night," Alex whispers. He knows he didn't imagine it though, he's been thinking about it non-stop since this morning, replaying the scene in his mind like a never-ending movie. But he really, really doesn't want to risk it. The last thing he needs is to misread things with a guy, _again_ , and end up ruining it all. _Again._

"Alex, man, listen to me," Luke's grip is still firm on his shoulders, and his eyes are serious and his expression is a little annoyed. "This time, you need to use your brain. Please, just once, use it. Willie. Likes. You."

Alex shakes his head again.

"I'm not risking it. Unless he tells me something explicit, I'm not taking any chances."

Julie groans from her seat. "You're going to make me cry," she chokes out. Alex rolls his eyes.

"Could you please stop being so dramatic? It's not like it matters. Willie and I are just friends, and I'm totally okay with that."

Reggie rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, of course. Can we start practicing now? Before Alex infects us with his dense-ness."

"It's _density,_ Reg," Alex corrects, walking towards the drum kit. "But yeah, let's please stop talking about it."

Luke and Julie look at each other for a long while, and Alex knows they're having a secret conversation. He hates it.

It's late at night, and they've got two weeks left until Christmas break, which means _exams_ are about to start, and Alex's just too stressed to think about his love life right now. Willie doesn't like him and that's it. If he liked him, he wouldn't have backed away right before they kissed. Alex probably made him uncomfortable.

God, his life sucks.

But when the rehearsal is over, he gets a text from Willie, asking him if he'd like to go to the exhibition tomorrow. It's supposed to be a big thing, with a lot of people showing their own art, and it sounds fun. He tells Willie that yes, he'd love to go, and then he starts panicking, so that's why he asks the guys to come with him. Luke has to work, but Reggie and Julie agree. He doesn't tell Willie he's bringing his friends with him though.

That night, Alex's dad calls him.

It's something that barely happens anymore, and Alex is kind of okay with forgetting his dad exists some days, but other days he misses his voice and his stupid jokes and the way his smile reminds him so much of his own, so he picks up. They talk for a while, and surprisingly, it's not uncomfortable at all. They talk about the way his mom always goes crazy this time of the year and his dad asks him if he wants anything specific for Christmas. It's nice. He's missed this. At the end of the call, though, his dad asks him if he has a _boyfriend._

Alex feels like he's dreaming, like he's somehow gotten teleported to a different dimension. He stays silent for so long his dad seems to think the call's been disconnected.

"Alex?" His dad's voice sounds a little sheepish.

He clears his throat, trying to sound unbothered.

"Um, no. I'm kind of- I don't know. It's complicated."

"That so, huh? You can- you know. Talk to me about it. If you want to."

And Alex doesn't want to talk about Leo or Willie with his dad, but he can recognize the olive branch his dad is extending at him, shining hopefully, and Alex's not stupid enough to not take it.

So he talks about everything, saving the most embarrassing parts to himself, like the fact that they sneaked into a museum. When he's finally over, his dad hums in understanding, and Alex feels so _warm_ all over. He never thought he would’ve had the chance to talk about _boys_ with his dad from all people, but he realizes it feels good, it feels really _really_ good, and maybe he's grinning like an idiot, but no one's there to see it, so it's okay.

"I do think this boy likes you, Alexander," his dad says when he finishes, and Alex laughs a little.

"Yeah, that's what the guys have told me, but I don't know. I don't want to ruin our friendship, dad, he's really, really cool."

"Are you in love with him?"

"What? God, dad, no! No. But- I don't know. He's just- I've never felt this way about someone before. I really don't know how to describe it."

"I think that's what _love_ is supposed to feel like, son."

And yeah, it's not _love_ , because he's not there yet, but maybe he wants them to be something more than 'just friends.'

Fuck.

He must say that out loud, because his dad's laugh resonates through the phone.

"Think about it, okay? And maybe let yourself go. Let yourself _feel_. Don't think too much."

"That's easier said than done."

"I know. Just try. Now, I should probably go. It's getting late."

"Yeah," Alex's voice is only a thread. "Yeah. Bye, dad."

"Bye, Alex-"

"Wait!" His words come out as a scream, and he doesn't know why. But there's something stuck on his chest, and he needs to get it out.

"Yes?"

"Um. Does this mean- you're okay? With me being gay?" He's aware that he sounds ridiculously afraid, but he needs confirmation of what he thinks it's happening. He needs to know he's not dreaming.

His dad sighs.

"I don't know, Alex. I want you to know that I love you. And that you'll always be my son, no matter what. I'm sorry if I ever said or did anything to make you doubt that. And I admit that it's not something I liked from the start, but- I've been thinking. And I don't want to lose you. I don't get it, Alexander, I really don't, but I _can't_ lose you. I saw something on the news the other day and-," his dad stops for a second, taking a deep breath. He sounds so damn sincere, and kind of sad, and Alex can feel tears forming in his eyes. Of course he's crying.

"Thank you for being patient with me," his dad continues. "All I needed was some time. I can't promise I'll go to those parade-things or wear one of those ridiculous t-shirts, but I can promise I'll try to be the dad you deserve. I owe you at least that, after everything you've been through since you told us you were, um-"

"Gay, dad. You can say it," Alex urges, his voice shaky.

"Right. Gay. Since you told us you were gay."

Alex lets out another shaky breath. He cleans his eyes with his hands and puts effort into sounding like a human being.

"Thanks, dad. This really means a lot to me."

"Of course."

"And, uh," he's also scared to ask this, but again, he needs to know. "Is mom okay with it too?"

His dad says nothing, and that's enough to know the answer. A little bit of sadness jabs at his heart, but he's had years to deal with this. Now, it doesn't hurt that much.

"I'm sure your mother just needs some time too. Give her that, okay? She'll come around. And if she doesn't- you've got me. You've got your friends, Alex, and god knows they've been a better family for you than us for a long while now. You're lucky you have people like them in your life."

And Alex knows that. Luke and Reggie were there when he ran away after the first few days of stone-cold silence. Julie was the one who got him all of his pink clothes, Julie was the one who convinced him to go to pride for the first time. In a way, he's always had a family.

But this feels good too.

"Okay, dad. Thanks again."

"I'll see you in two weeks, right?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

When Alex hangs up, he feels- _static._ He laughs at himself and grabs his phone, because he needs to talk to someone about this whole thing.

Willie is the only person that comes to his mind.

* * *

The next morning, after he, Reggie and Julie have breakfast together, they walk towards the building where the art exhibition is being held.

"These things are great," Julie tells them. "Art students always do these on their junior year. I have a ton of ideas for what I'm going to do with mine next year."

Alex laughs a little, because Julie is already planning this assignment and Willie only started planning his two days before it was due. He likes the way that Willie seems to live in the moment all the time, never looking further than a couple of hours into the future. He's told Alex he doesn't like stressing or planning things before doing them because it takes away all the fun.

Alex is completely the opposite. But he likes to think they kind of complement each other.

Oh, Jesus, he's thinking like _that_ again. Fuck.

The art building is full of music and people and laughs, and while they walk towards Willie's exhibition, he kind of starts feeling like he's about to die.

Alex hasn't talked to Willie since Thursday, and he's kind of dreading it. Yeah, sure, they talked last night, about Alex's dad and a little about Willie's uncle, (Willie never met his parents, his uncle raised him and they also have a strained relationship he doesn't like talking about,) but they didn't talk about the- um- situation.

So he's decided to ignore it. Just like the mature, smart, twenty-year-old he is.

They find Willie standing beside the door of his exhibition. He's wearing a patterned shirt and some dress pants and his hair is tied into a bun. He looks good.

"Alex, hey!" Willie's face lights up for a second, and then he realizes Reggie and Julie are walking by his sides, and his smile falls a little. "Alex's friends, hey!" He adds.

"I though Alex was 'Julie's friend'," Julie says with a smile.

"Um, no. Now I know Alex better than you so you're officially 'Alex's friend."

"That hurts, man."

Willie looks directly at Alex and offers another smile, bright and confident and beautiful.

"Do you wanna come in?" He asks, nodding towards the room, his eyebrows raised.

"Hell yeah."

Willie opens the door and Alex is kind of amazed. Really amazed.

The place looks completely different compared to what he left on Friday morning. Yeah, it looked good before, but now it's just-

"This is _so_ cool," Reggie mutters, his mouth a little open, taking it all in.

And yeah, it's really, really cool.

The walls are covered in their splashes of color, but Willie's painted the ceiling black and has covered the floor with a black rug too. The hanging drawings move a little with the wind and they surround the sculpture, that stands in the middle of the room, looking like a- well. Alex doesn't know what it looks like, but he likes it. The walls have a couple of paintings too, all with black frames, so they stand out against the colorful walls.

It's colorful and extravagant and abstract and a little messy. And beautiful. Just like Willie.

"This is so good!" Julie grins, walking through the room. "It totally doesn't look like you started two days ago!"

Willie gasps and shoves Alex a little. "I can't believe you exposed me like that!" He complains, but he's smiling, as always.

Alex shrugs. "I didn't mean to-"

"Sorry man, Alex tells us everything," Reggie says with his usual, smug smirk, and Alex wants to punch him. "None of your secrets are safe anymore."

"That's not true!" Alex screeches, shoving Reggie. "I told them I helped you, that's it. You can trust me. Please trust me."

Willie rolls his eyes a little and lays a hand on his shoulder, as he always does when he's trying to calm him down. "Of course I trust you."

"Good," he lets out in a sigh.

Julie and Reggie stare at each other and Alex can tell what they're thinking. He turns his gaze to them and tells them to shut up with his eyes, even if they haven't said anything. Yet.

"If it's even finished it's thanks to Alex," Willie says, taking his hand away from his shoulder. Alex instantly misses his contact. "I couldn't have done this without you, man," he adds, looking him straight in the eyes. He feels himself flushing and tries really hard not to look to stupid.

"You're welcome, Willie. I've told you, I loved helping."

"Then I guess I'll start asking for help more often."

"You definitely should."

Reggie clears his throat. "Do you guys- wanna go see other exhibitions?"

Julie nods. "Yeah, I think we definitely should do that."

"Oh, I can't. I have to wait until my professor comes so I can explain the concept to him and stuff," Willie explains. "It might take a while. But you go ahead and I'll catch up as soon as I can."

Reggie nods. "Alright."

Julie and Reggie start walking towards the door, and Alex doesn't realize he hasn't moved until Julie looks at him.

"Alex? You coming?"

"Um. No, no, I'll stay with Willie for a bit. We'll catch up."

Reggie raises an eyebrow at him, and Alex hates the fact that he doesn't have anything nearby to throw at him.

"O… kay," Julie says. "See you, I guess. C'mon, Reg."

They don't talk about _the thing_. Willie seems to be real mature and smart too so they talk about other things. It's not uncomfortable at all, and Alex is thankful for that. He ends up standing in one corner of the room when Willie's professor finally comes, and his anxiety rises as Willie walks the teacher through the room, talking about color theory and art techniques and a lot of stuff Alex doesn't understand.

"Good job, William," the professor is standing by the door now, writing something down in a notebook. "I enjoyed your concept. It really reflects your personality. You'll get your grade on Monday at class."

"Thanks, Mr. White."

Willie waits patiently for the professor to leave the room, and then he starts jumping, letting out a little scream.

"He loved it!" He explains when Alex looks at him, confused.

"He seemed kind of neutral to me."

Willie rolls his eyes. He unties his hair and lets it fall around his shoulders. "That's because you don't know him. Believe me, he was static."

Alex smiles a little. He feels proud. He's glad he helped Willie, he's glad that, thanks to him, Willie's happy.

"So our all-nighter was worth it!" Alex lets out, filling his voice with emotion.

Willie throws his head back and screams again.

"I'm so happy I could kiss you!" Willie shouts.

Alex's brain stops functioning. Willie seems to realize what he just meant, because his cheeks go red and his eyes open wide. He clears his throat.

"I mean. I- I- whatever. I'm just _thrilled,_ man."

Alex wants to scream something like 'fucking kiss me, then!' But he doesn't dare to. So he just nods with an uncomfortable chuckle. They both look down to the floor at the same time.

"We should, you know. Go meet with Reggie and Julie. Reggie is a lot to handle, and Julie's not going to be enough to keep him from breaking something."

Willie laughs. "Your friends are weird."

"Yeah," Alex says fondly. "They are."

They spend the rest of the morning visiting other exhibitions, playing around. They joke and Julie and Willie explain some artistic stuff to Alex and Reggie, and they both hum and pretend to understand. There are people presenting drawings and sculptures, like Willie, but some exhibitions are human art or some theatre stuff. There's this room where everything's black and then suddenly bright lights start moving on the floor, and Alex realizes it's actual people covered in neon paint, crawling through the room. He doesn't get it, but Willie seems to love it.

They meet up with Luke for lunch, and Alex's a little scared of what Luke will think of Willie, but they end up getting along surprisingly well, just like he did with Reggie. It's fun, and Alex laughs so hard his stomach hurts. Then, when they're supposed to go rehearse because they'll all be too busy to have band practice tomorrow, Luke -the _idiot_ \- asks Willie if he wants to go see the rehearsal.

Alex kicks him under the table, but Luke's smile only gets bigger.

"Oh," Willie says, blinking. "I guess I could. If you guys are cool with that." He stares at Alex when he says that part, and Alex knows he means if _he_ is cool with that.

Willie's never seen them play, and Alex's scared he'll fuck up and embarrass himself, but the idea seems nice. He's seen Willie's art; he's seen Willie skate; now he wants Willie to watch what _he_ can actually do. What he's good at.

"Yeah. You should come."

Having Willie in the rehearsal is great and awful at the same time.

He notices Willie staring at him intensely for the whole two hours. He senses his smile and his shiny eyes and he hears his loud cheers whenever they finish a song or when he screws up. And he screws up a _lot._

He's not nervous, not exactly, but there's something about having Willie's eyes on him that makes him lose his focus. Just a little.

"You guys are great!" Willie says when the rehearsal is over. Alex wants to point out that there's nothing great about a rehearsal like that and that Willie should wait to see them in an actual concert, but he'll take the compliment.

"Thanks, dude," Luke smiles at him, grabbing a bottle of water. "I'm glad you didn't get bored. Most people can't handle watching rehearsals."

Willie snorts. "There's nothing boring in here."

Alex can't help but flush.

* * *

The next two weeks are crazy. There's assignments and exams and a drum presentation he has to do for his improv class (and he hates it, because he hates improv) and there's homework and angry professors and so damn much anxiety. And there's Willie.

Both of them are really busy, but they always seem to find a way to hang out. Alex finds himself spending a lot of time in Willie's apartment. He lies on Willie's bed, studying for his theory exams while Willie draws like crazy on his desk.

They don't talk much, but they put some music on and they share snacks and sometimes it gets really late and Willie lets him sleep on his couch. It feels good. It feels safe.

Alex also has to practice, a lot, and for some reason, Willie likes watching him. They go to the study rooms and Alex plays and Willie lies on the floor, with his pencils and watercolors and paint brushes or with a theory book.

Alex asks him if the noise doesn't bother him, but Willie just shakes his head and tells him it helps him concentrate.

Alex ends up giving him a couple of ear plugs, because he doesn't want Willie to go deaf. Willie smiles at him and thanks him, and they spend most days like that, both with ear plugs in, Alex playing and Willie drawing.

Having Willie around is part of his routine now, and he doesn't want that to change.

Luke, Reggie and Julie tell him that he's started to spend more time with Willie than with them, but Alex just answers that it's easier. It's not like they all can study at the same time, each one with their own instrument and different things to focus on. While Alex and Reggie are majoring in their instruments, Julie and Luke are majoring in music composition and production, which is a little bit different. And they all have different schedules and ways to study, so when this time of the year comes, they barely see each other.

But Willie is different, because they can work together all the time. Alex likes being with Willie all the time.

They have four days left of class when Alex has a panic attack.

He's been getting better, he really has, and he hasn't had a panic attack in a long while now. But he always stresses way too much in exams, and he totally failed his harmony exam because he was too nervous to hit the right notes and his voice was too shaky and his whole body was trembling and even if he practiced a lot he still fucked up and he doesn't know what to do.

Possibilities run through his mind a thousand miles a minute, dragging him down and making him feel like shit.

He walks towards his room in some kind of haze, knowing what's about to come. His breath hitches and his chest feel tight, like someone is crushing him, and he tries really hard to breathe and relax and remember all of the techniques for avoiding a panic attack he can think of, but none of them seem to work.

He thinks about calling Reggie or Luke or Julie but all of them are busy and Alex doesn't want to bother them, not right now, so he starts running towards his room before he ends up having a breakdown in the middle of the hallway.

Willie is waiting for him, sitting on the floor beside his door.

"Hey, I bought some croissants from the bakery you like," Willie greets, and Alex manages to nod. Words are stuck in his throat.

"Woah," Willie's whole expression changes and he's on his feet in an instant, coming close to him. "Alex, what's wrong?"

He can't speak, se he shakes his head and opens the door to his dorm, aware of the fact he's starting to hyperventilate.

Willie enters beside him, hovering by his side, and Alex doesn't know how to tell him that what he needs right now is _space,_ so he can stop feeling like he's suffocating.

He falls to the floor, because everything's started spinning around, and oh god he can't breathe.

Willie sits beside him, and one of his hands goes to his shoulder, but Alex backs away, hitting his body against the wall on the process.

The thing is, he hasn't told Willie about the whole panic attacks situation. Willie knows he has anxiety, of course he does, but he hasn't told him about the way everything's just too much and his body stops working. He used to get them a lot when he was younger, but now, after getting actual help and learning healthy ways to deal with the whole thing, he barely gets them anymore. But still.

He doesn't want to worry Willie. Panic attacks are ugly and raw and make him so vulnerable. They're really personal, because he loses all control over himself, and there's just crying and hair-pulling and shaky breaths and this disconnection from the world. And he was worried about Willie's reaction to them, but he immediately seems to understand what's going on.

"Alex, what do I do?" Willie's voice is suddenly quiet and calm and yeah, Alex can hear a bit of desperation in it, but it grounds him a little anyway. "I don't- you're having a panic attack, right? I don't know what to do."

He doesn't know how, but he manages to choke out a 'call Julie' because Julie always answers her phone and she's patient and she always knows what to do when he's like this. Willie nods and grabs his phone and everything's just _too much_ again, so he hides his head between his knees and focuses on the way it feels like he's about to die, oh god, he's _dying_ , because he can't breathe and he'll probably fail the class and because Willie's there with him and he doesn't know how to feel about it.

"Can I touch you?" Willie asks, and no, he can't, because if someone touches him right now he's going to lose it even more, so he shakes his head. He hopes Willie understands.

"Okay," Willie continues, unbothered. "Okay, no touching then. Um-" there's a second of silence as Julie keeps giving him instructions through the phone. "I need you to breathe. That's it. Can you do that for me?"

Alex shakes his head again, because no, he fucking can't, but it's not Willie's fault, so he tries. He counts to eight while he inhales and then holds for four but fails and he's hyperventilating again. "Breathe with me, Alex, c'mon."

He doesn't know how much time passes, but Willie's there, breathing with him. Alex can't touch him or see him because he doesn't want to raise his head, but he can _feel_ him, and that's enough. Then Willie asks if he can touch him now, and Alex thinks about it for a second and yeah, he's much calmer. So he nods, and raises his head and Willie is immediately wrapping him in a hug.

His arms feel warm and safe for some reason so he lets out a shaky breath and buries his head in Willie's neck.

"You're okay, Alex," Willie mutters against his hair. "I've got you."

Alex nods a little, and he doesn't care if he comes off as clingy or needy or whatever. The hug feels so damn good and there's no way he's breaking the contact.

Willie seems to understand that, because he shifts a little and leans against the wall, still hugging him. Alex clings to Willie's back, and Willie starts playing with his hair. They don't say anything, but it's okay. He doesn't even realize he freaking falls asleep until Willie shakes him a little.

"Hey," his voice is still sweet and kind and Alex briefly wonders if he's dreaming. His head hurts and anxiety still churns in his stomach, but he's feeling a little better. "Alex. It's like, five p.m. Maybe you should have some lunch."

They're still in the same position. Alex looks up and Willie's face is so close to him, his breathing warm against his skin. Maybe they're on the floor, but Willie's really comfortable, so he just groans and hides in Willie's neck again. Willie chuckles, but his hand starts caressing his hair too, and Alex thinks he could stay like that for the rest of his life.

"We need to study," Willie continues. "And I bought you a croissant, dude. Don't let my croissants down. They want to be eaten." Alex laughs a little, and then it occurs to him that the position they're in must be really uncomfortable to Willie, so he sighs and moves. He rubs his eyes, pressing his hands against his skull, trying to make the headache go away. Willie stands up and comes back with a glass of water and a little pill. Alex really could kiss him right now.

"Thank you," he whispers, realizing how hoarse his voice is.

They sit on Alex's bed and they eat the croissants and Alex struggles to find a way to explain it all to Willie.

"I'm sorry," he says finally. "About the panic attack. I know they can be ugly, so thanks for being there for me."

"Don't apologize. Honestly, Alex, you should never apologize for that kind of stuff. Not to me, not to anyone."

Alex gives him a smile and Willie grins back at him, still eating his croissant.

"But you're okay now, right? Do you need me to do something?"

"Oh, no. Don't worry. I mean, I'm not completely fine, but I'm better now."

Willie nods. "That's good. Do you, um- get those a lot?"

Alex shakes his head. "I used to, when I was younger. I'm better now, though, but college isn't really made for someone with anxiety." Willie hums in understanding.

"Do you... want to tell me what happened? I mean, was it something specific? Or like, everything at once?"

"A little bit of both, actually."

He tells Willie everything, and Willie just nods and listens and passes him another croissant. It's relaxing in some way and Alex has come to the conclusion that talking about it actually helps. At some point, Willie takes his hand, and Alex squeezes it and his heart goes crazy again, but this time is a good kind of crazy.

They spend the rest of the afternoon with their fingers intertwined, even after they finish eating and they start studying for their next exam. They order pizza for dinner and they end up watching a tv show Alex's never heard of but Willie loves, and maybe, just maybe, Alex starts thinking that Willie may like him back.

He's totally okay with what they've got going on right in that moment, though.

* * *

His next exam goes great. And the other two also go decent enough, and by Thursday, he's finally free. Luke, Reggie, Julie and him will be heading home on Sunday morning, after the semester is done for all of them. They have a gig on Saturday, and it's supposed to be big and important and Alex is kind of nervous about it because they haven't had a lot of time to practice, but he trusts the band. They're playing songs they've played thousands of times before, and with a little bit of luck everything will go great.

After his final exam he has lunch with Reggie and then he helps Luke with a couple of assigments he obviously left for the last moment, and then he goes to dance group and Willie's there and everything's just- perfect.

After dance group he goes to Willie's apartment and he watches Willie study while he tries to write a song. He's never been one for song-writing, honestly, but there's this melody stuck in his head and the least he can do is try to write it down, as Luke always insists.

Willie stands up suddenly, going to sit on the bed beside him. He rests his head against Alex's shoulder and Alex tries not to scream.

"What are you doing?" Willie asks between a yawn. There are dark circles under his eyes and he looks really tired, and Alex is glad Willie only has one exam left.

"Oh, I'm trying to write a song," he explains, looking at the mess of notes and song lyrics and chords. "I'm not really good, though. I'll probably give the idea to Luke and he'll finish writing it for me."

Willie shakes his head. "It's your song, man, you write it."

"It's not that easy," Alex admits. "Lyrics I can do, I guess, but I only know how to play a little guitar and I don't even have one and I don't know."

"Oh! I have a guitar somewhere, wait-"

Alex watches Willie leave the room in a hurry, muttering the word 'guitar' to himself. He chuckles a little, and a couple of minutes later Willie comes back with an old acoustic guitar.

"I knew I had it somewhere. My uncle gave it to me, but I never really learned how to play. Music is not really my thing. I only brought it with me because it reminds me of him."

"That's cute," he teases, and Willie shoves him a little.

Alex tunes the guitar and starts playing with some chords, singing under his breath. Willie just stares, sitting beside him, as if Alex were the most interesting thing in the whole world. The song is simple and sloppy and probably not that good, but he's sure Luke and Julie will fix it. He gets bored and he puts the guitar down, but Willie shakes his head.

"No, you gotta sing it for me! C'mon."

"I don't know... I don't- I don't really sing. I only hit stuff." Alex replies. Wille snorts.

"Dude, I literally just heard you sing for like, an hour. Please," he whines. "Please please please. For me."

And okay, that's all it takes to convince Alex.

He fumbles with the guitar, trying to make it sound good. And he starts singing, and maybe he's a little scared, but Willie looks so interested and thrilled and just happy to see him, and Alex feels his confidence rising. By the middle of the song, Willie leans closer to him, staring at the lyrics he's written down, and starts singing with him.

Willie's voice hits him like a train wreck, because it's so- it's so _good_. He follows the song as best as he can, stumbling through the lyrics, and Alex likes the way their voices harmonize. He's never done this with someone, and it all feels so intimate and private, kind of like they've entered a different reality, and by the time the song finishes, Alex finds it hard to let go of the last chord.

"It's a really good song," Willie says when Alex finds enough courage to let the sound go. "I love it."

And then he stands up and goes back to his drawing, as if nothing had happened, and Alex wants to scream. 

When he tells Julie what happened, she lets out an anger-filled sigh, and Alex is kind of glad they're talking through a phone call and not in person, because he can perfectly see her smacking him in the shoulder as she always does when she's angry.

"You should've taken the first step, dude! It's so damn obvious that he likes you! Just-" she stops for a second to let out a little scream. "Just kiss him already!"

And yeah, maybe the time has come for Alex to do that. He decides he'll do it that Saturday, before the band's gig, before he goes back home for the holidays, before Willie also leaves for home, before he regrets his decision.

Friday passes ridiculously slowly. He has to go receive his final grades -he passes everything, thank _fucking god-_ and then he goes practice for the gig by himself, because he hasn't played the songs in a little while and because he's anxious about tomorrow and drumming has always been the best way to get rid of all that tension. Then he calls Willie and asks him how his final exam went and they talk for like, an hour.

Then he has band practice for the first time in like, a week, and god he's missed it.

They go through their entire set of seven songs a couple of times, making sure everything sounds the way it should, and then they go have dinner together and Reggie spills water over Luke and Alex and Julie laugh and then Luke throws water at Reggie and then for some reason Reggie throws water at him and they end up being kicked out of the restaurant. But that's how all of their hang-outs usually go, and they leave the place running and laughing while the owner waves a mop angrily in their direction.

Saturday is pretty much the same. He talks to his dad in the morning and it's nice and warm and Alex can't wait to see him and give him a hug. He can't remember the last time he hugged his dad.

Then he has breakfast with Luke on the diner where he works at and he tells him his plan.

"So you'll tell him after sound check," Luke says, drying a glass. "I think it's a good idea. You guys already act like you're dating. I mean, seeing you together is kind of disgusting."

"Shut up."

Luke only laughs.

"Do you ever think about the fact that, if you hadn't lied to Leo, you probably never would've met Willie?"

Alex nods, because yes, he thinks about Luke's question a _lot._

And he's never been so happy he told a lie before. Actually, people should start lying more often. Or something like that.

Sometimes the world just knows what it's doing, and sometimes letting go is a good thing. Alex likes to think it was all just meant to happen. The disaster with Leo led to him meeting Willie, and isn't it funny how, sometimes, the things we do can become so much bigger, so much more important?

He doesn't tell Luke _that_ , though, because he'd never hear the end of it.

Their gig starts at seven p.m., and their soundcheck is at six. Alex takes the longest shower ever, practicing the way he's going to tell Willie that he likes him, and that he wants to be more than friends. The water's turned cold by the time he actually feels like he's ready.

He gets dressed and then Reggie is knocking at his door, so they can go to the venue together. Julie and Luke are supposed to meet them there.

"Are you nervous?" Reggie asks him when he sees him fidgeting with his drum sticks.

Alex shrugs.

"I'm always nervous."

Reggie lays a hand on his shoulder. His smile is pure and intense and it calms Alex down a little. "Relax, man. I promise everything will go great."

"Yeah. Thanks, Reg."

Sound check goes great. The guys working at the venue are nice and let them take every decision regarding their sound. The place is quite big, especially because there'll be a lot of other bands, but there's always something special about opening a gig. There's a shiny Christmas tree in the corner of the backstage, and lights and decorations and Alex remembers it's almost Christmas. He had totally forgotten.

And then Willie's there, knocking on the backstage door, with a smile and a crop top and Alex's heart starts screaming at him to do something. They talk for a little, trying to drown out the noise coming from the other side of the room, where the stage and the audience are.

Then one guy comes and tells them that they're supposed to be on stage in five minutes, and Alex knows that it's now or never. He looks at the guys and Julie and they nod and subtly move to the other side of the backstage, leaving them alone.

Willie speaks first, though.

"Um, before you go on stage," he starts. "I got you something. You know, for Christmas."

"You... did?" He mutters, his voice shaky and high-pitched because he doesn't know how to react. Willie giggles and nods.

"Yeah. Um, here," Willie's hands go to his pockets and he brings out a little pink box. "Open it."

Alex feels like he's about to start crying, because he loves gifts and everything they represent and the fact that Willie saw something and thought of _him_. He opens the box with shaky fingers and stares at a little pendant. It's golden and beautiful and it's shaped like a drum kit. Alex stares at it and then at Willie and then again at the pendant and _ohgodhecan'tthink._

"It's beautiful," he whispers. "Willie, I-"

"I noticed you always use that gold chain. Maybe you could put it on it," Willie's smile is the biggest he's ever seen, and Alex wants to kiss him. So bad.

So he advances towards him, forgetting all the words he practiced and trying to find new ones but then Willie takes a step back and his heart falls shattered to his stomach.

His sadness mixes with confusion and anger and he wants to know _why_ Willie doesn't want to kiss him.

"Why do you always back away?" his voice comes out more disappointed than angry but he doesn't care.

Willie blinks, seeming a little shocked.

"I'm giving you space, dude," he states, as if it were obvious. "You know, I gave you the note and then you never said something about it so I figured-"

"What- what note?"

"Yo, Alex, we're going in now!"

Alex looks at Luke and then at Willie and then at the stage and then at Willie again because something's not adding up. He shakes his head a little.

"Willie, what note?" His voice is a little desperate, but he really doesn't know what Willie's talking about.

Willie rolls his eyes, looking towards the stage too. Julie, Reggie and Luke are standing beside it, ready to play, holding their instruments. Reggie shakes his drumsticks in his direction, hurrying him. Alex raises his hand, trying to ask them for five more _seconds._

"You know," Willie continues. "That Saturday, after your, um, thing with Leo. You came over and I gave you a drawing and I wrote something on it. You never answered so I guessed you weren't interested and then I thought you were, but that maybe you needed some time, so I've trying really hard to give you space and- you didn't- you didn't read it?"

"Alex!" Julie shouts at him.

Alex wants to die, because he just needs some time to think but there's too much noise and too much pressure and too many things going on at once. What note is Willie talking about?

Oh.

_Oh._

The memory hits him like a fucking truck, and he remembers the drawing of a cool dog sitting behind a drum kit and the way Willie wrote something on it and folded it before giving it to him. He remembers putting the drawing in his jacket pocket and then remembers going to the museum and then home and he totally forgot about it. He didn't even think to read whatever Willie had written on the piece of paper.

"I didn't- Willie, I didn't _know_. I figured- I thought- so you like me? Wait, do you-?"

"And now, to open the night!" An ominous voice says through the speakers, and Alex's blood goes so damn cold. "Please welcome on stage: Julie and the Phantoms!"

"Alex now!" Luke's words are desperate and he knows he has to leave. Now.

"We'll talk about this, okay?" He squeaks, running towards the stage. "Willie, we'll talk. Please. Please wait until the gig finishes, I-"

"It's okay, Alex. Go." Willie's voice is kind of flat but he's smiling a little, and Alex wants do _die._ Willie seems to see the state he's in, because he nods slowly. "We'll talk about it. Now go!"

"Alex!"

Alex doesn't know who screams his name. He doesn't know how he gets on the stage or when Reggie gives him his drum sticks or how he sits behind the drum kit and counts to four. There's clapping and cheers and music and Alex tries his best to keep his mind on his drumming and the band and the songs but his eyes keep scanning the crowd, and Willie's not there. He was supposed to be there, and they were supposed to talk, but once their seven-songs limit is up and he gets off the stage, Willie's nowhere to be seen.

"Fuck," he mutters, when he's finished looking for Willie in the back of the stage. "Fuck fuck, _fuck,_ he continues, trying to spot his long hair between the crowd. But no, Willie's gone, and Alex wants to cry. Stupid fucking note.

No, actually, stupid fucking _him,_ who didn't think of reading it.

"Dude, what was all that about?" Reggie's suddenly touching him to get his attention and Alex jumps a little. Julie and Luke are standing beside him, the three of them looking kind of worried. "How did things go with Willie?"

"He left," he chokes out. "I don't know why, I should've-" and then he checks his phone, because he's an idiot and he didn't check it earlier, and of course he has a text from Willie.

_Sorry I couldn't tell you while we were talking, but something came up with my uncle and I need to be home tonight. My bus leaves in a while and I came to say goodbye. I promise we'll talk when we get back from Christmas break. Please don't freak out._

Of course he's freaking out.

He presses the call button but Willie's phone is off and it sends him straight to voice mail. Jesus fucking Christ.

"I need to find the note." It's the only thing he can think about, and he leaves the venue, running. He doesn't care that he's sweaty and that he's tired and that he leaves his friends hanging there, he just needs to find the damn note.

Julie, Reggie and Luke run after him, though, guitars and bass included.

"What are you talking about, Alex?" Julie asks, struggling to keep up with him. Alex sighs and tries to slow down. They've left the venue and it's kind of late and the night is a little cold. He explains the whole situation to his friends as best as he can while they walk towards his dorm room.

"That's harsh, dude," Reggie says when he finishes. Alex groans a little and Luke slaps him in the shoulder.

"I know, I know. I'm an idiot. But I need to find the note."

They all go to his room and Alex immediately starts rummaging through his closet, throwing everything to the floor.

"Help me find it!" He screams at the guys when he realizes they're all standing there, doing nothing. Reggie, Luke and Julie flinch a little but they all nod and start raking through his clothes too.

"What are we looking for?" Reggie asks sheepishly, holding a pair of pants.

"The note! It was- um- in one of my jacket pockets."

"What jacket where you wearing?" Julie mutters, picking one of his pink hoodies up. Alex shakes his head.

"I can't fucking remember."

"Good thing you hate doing your laundry, then," Luke says, offering him a little smile.

The four of them check all of his pockets, looking for the little piece of paper that could've changed it all weeks ago. God.

Luke's the one who finds it, and Alex almost rips it out of his hands.

"Here!" Luke screams suddenly, holding the drawing high. Alex runs towards him and takes it in his hands. His stomach is tied in knots and his heart is beating so fast Alex feels like it's about to explode. He opens it and reads it.

The memories of that night hit him hard, and Alex vaguely remembers Willie's words after he told him he just wasn't made for love.

"I should've known," he had told Willie. "No one ever- I'm not made for this. For love."

Willie had patted his back with his ever-present smile. "None of us are. Some of us are just lucky enough to find it."

 _Maybe we could be each other's good luck_ , it says.

God.

"What does it say?" Julie urges, trying to look over his shoulder. Alex hands her the drawing and Luke and Reggie hover over her, trying to read it.

Alex lies down in his bed, trying to think.

"I'm such an idiot."

The guys sit by his sides. He covers his face with his hands, because yeah, they'll get to talk, but it'll be almost three weeks until they get to _see_ each other again, and Alex needs to talk to him. In person. Right now.

"You didn't know, man," Luke's laying down by his side, their arms touching. "It explains it all. But this is good, right? It means you like each other. Like, you know that for sure now, and you like knowing things for sure."

"Luke's right!" Reggie adds. "You'll get to talk and then he'll be your boyfriend!"

"It's not like you can't talk on the phone," Julie continues, and Alex briefly wonders if they've rehearsed this speech before. "Maybe you can do a video call or something."

Alex shakes his head. "I don't want to discuss this over the phone," he explains. "I need to do this in person. But what if we come back and he doesn't like me anymore? Like, what if he realizes how fucking stupid I am and he moves on? Oh god, what if he meets someone else?"

"C'mon, Alex," Julie tries to reason with him. "You know that's not going to happen. It's just your anxiety speaking."

"I know that, Jules, but it's still so damn long, and-"

"Wait!" Luke stands up suddenly, and Alex takes his hands away from his face just to properly see him.

Luke draws one of his confident, knowing smiles, his expression daring, and Alex knows what's coming.

"I've got a plan.”

* * *

The plan is stupid.

But their plans are _always_ stupid, so it's okay.

* * *

Alex barely sleeps, thinking about what he's going to say and what he's going to do. He's thought about this before, yeah, but this time it feels different. This time, he's not going to let anything stop him.

The next morning, they pack up Reggie's beat-up van with instruments and suitcases and amps and Christmas gifts. The college is not really far from their homes, but it's still a three-hour trip with Reggie and Luke on it, so it's always stressful. Especially with the hours they're planning to add to it.

In their way out, they stop by Willie's apartment.

Reggie's driving and Julie and Luke are sitting on the backseat of the van. Alex gets out of the car and walks towards the apartment building, dread swirling in his stomach. One of Willie's roommates opens the door, his hair disheveled and looking like he just woke up.

"Oh. Hey, Alex," he greets, stifling a yawn. "Willie left for home last night, man, sorry."

"I know, Ben, it's just that- okay, this is going to sound weird, but I need you to tell me where he lives. Like, the exact address. Please."

Ben doesn't seem to think it's weird at all, because he writes down the address in Alex's phone with a little smile.

"You planning on visiting for the holidays?" He asks between a smirk, and Alex feels himself flushing a little.

"Yeah, something like that."

He says goodbye to Ben with a grateful smile and climbs back on the van.

"Did you get the address?" Reggie asks, and Alex nods with a smile.

Julie cheers from the backseat. "Alex's first non-failed attempt at a love life, here we go!"

Willie lives four hours away from the college, but the trip is full of singing and eating and laughing so it's okay. They listen to cheesy Christmas carols and then they stop in a gas station and Reggie buys a reindeer plushy. They're minutes away from Willie's house when Alex starts freaking out.

"What if he's not home?" He mutters. Reggie sighs.

"He'll be home, dude. And if he's not we'll just wait for him to come home, okay? Don't worry."

Alex only dared to text back a little 'of course' in response to Willie's text, and of course he hasn't told him about their stupid plan, because it's supposed to be a surprise.

Reggie stops in front of a big, white house thirty minutes later.

"You sure this is it?"

Luke whistles a little. "That's a nice house," he says, and Alex nods. Willie's uncle is pretty rich but he's also distant and cold and kind of creepy and Alex doesn't have time to think about this right now. He has to do it.

"Go get 'em, tiger," Julie smiles.

He walks towards the door of the house with his pulse going crazy, his hands fidgeting and sweating and his whole body vibrating with excitement. He rings the doorbell.

Then he counts to three. Then to ten. Fifteen, twenty-seven, thirty-eight, forty-two, he rings the doorbell again.

He's reached the number fifty-six when Willie opens the door.

"Alex?" Willie's eyes open with surprise, his mouth opening a little. He's wearing shorts and a sweatshirt and his hair is tied into a pony tail and Alex wants to kiss him so freaking bad. "How did you- why- what the hell are you doing here?"

"You are."

His words don't make any sense and Alex's aware of that, but his brain is a mess right now and he never makes sense when he's nervous.

"Huh?" Willie mutters. Alex clears his throat and tries to remember the words he's been repeating in his mind for the last four hours.

"I mean- um- you are. We are. We can."

Willie starts laughing, and his joy is contagious and he ends up laughing too.

"I think I know what you mean," Willie says. He advances towards him, and Alex's pulse goes crazy. "But go on."

"Willie, I'm so sorry I didn't read the note. I swear I forgot to read what you wrote on the drawing. And thank you," he's speaking way too fast but he's speaking coherently now, and at least that's something. "For being so- damn great. I just want you to know that, um, that you are. You are my good luck."

Willie laughs again and before Alex can react, he's kissing him.

_Ohgodohgodohgodohgod._

Willie's kissing him.

Alex kisses back, feeling his whole body relaxing. Willie puts his arms around his neck and Alex realizes he has to stand on his tip toes to kiss him and he's never loved being tall so much. The kiss is long and sweet and everything he's ever wanted.

They break apart in what seems like an eternity later. Willie's smiling and Alex's smiling and yeah, lying to Leo was totally worth it.

"You're my good luck too, Alex."

And then they're kissing again.

He hears cheering and screaming and he breaks apart from the kiss and turns around towards the noise. Reggie, Luke and Julie have taken their heads out of the van's windows and they're cheering and wolf-whistling and clapping and Alex wants to die. The only thing he can do, though, is blush even more and laugh and hide his face in Willie's neck.

Willie laughs too, and surrounds him with his arms.

"Your friends are weird," he whispers against his hair. Alex nods.

"Yeah, they are."

They hug for a little longer and then Alex realizes he has to get going. Life hates him after all.

"So," he starts, stepping back a little so he can look at Willie in the eyes. Willie grabs his hand and Alex intertwines their fingers and everything's so damn perfect. "Do you want to- um- maybe be my boyfriend? I can be your Christmas gift. You know, since I didn't get you anything."

Willie lets out a big laugh, throwing his head back, his whole body shaking.

"Of course I want to maybe be your boyfriend. I think it's a nice Christmas gift."

Alex nods slowly, because he doesn't know what else to do.

"Good. Yeah, good, that's- great. Awesome."

Willie rolls his eyes fondly.

"Come here, you idiot."

And then they're kissing again. And again, and again and again, until Reggie honks at them, because yeah, they're supposed to be home soon.

"I'm so sorry, Willie, I- I have to go."

Willie sighs. "Yeah, I figured as much. Thank you, Alex, for doing all this for me."

"I'd do anything for you."

They say goodbye with another kiss, and if Alex collides with a pilar from Willie's porch when he's trying to get back to the van, it's only because he can't think straight now that he has a _boyfriend._ Willie laughs when he hits the pilar and Alex laughs too and he waves at him while Reggie starts the car and drives away.

He stares at Willie until Reggie turns on a street and his house disappears from his sight, but keeps on looking at what used to be Willie's silhouette for a long time, until he realizes something.

"Oh god," he gasps. "Did I really just say 'I can be your Christmas gift'?

The guys laugh so hard it's almost deafening.

"Yeah, dude, you totally just did."

Jesus _fucking_ Christ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo that was it! I can't believe I wrote almost 22k words in like, a week, but Willex just does that to me.  
> Was it too cheesy? Probably, but I don't care.  
> Thanks for reading! Leave me a comment if you liked this disaster of a story I love to read you guys!  
> Maybe sometime I'll write something else in this universe, I liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language so all mistakes are on me.  
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!  
> Find me on tumblr at @sunsetsandcurves


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